One Story at a Time

Help Save the Gorillas

2011-12-08T23:08:00.000-06:00

Take action on 5 December and double your impact!

Ape Action Africa is excited to be part of this year’s Big Give Christmas Challenge - join us and your donation will be doubled!

Donate here: The Big Give

The Christmas Challenge is a fantastic initiative created by The Big Give and supported by a range of sponsors. It is a unique opportunity for our supporters to be rewarded for their generosity by having their donations doubled, allowing us to make twice the impact through our work.

The Challenge starts at 10.00am (GMT) on 5th December and runs for just 5 days. To make sure your donations are doubled and help us make the most of this fantastic opportunity, save the 5th December in your diaries. Don’t worry if you forget though - we’ll be counting down to donation day on our website, Facebook and Twitter.

The donations you make as part of the Christmas Challenge will go directly towards the care of our sanctuary’s youngest orphans, including our newest arrivals - gorillas Luci and Chickaboo. It costs £20 a week to feed one baby gorilla – if you can help us to reach our challenge target, we’ll be able to support five babies for a whole year!

Donate here: The Big Give

How will YOU help charitable organizations this year?

Why Wait? Save Your Family Stories NOW

2011-12-01T15:38:00.002-06:00

This was a guest post today on Simple Marriage.

Four years ago, I took some creative writing and memoir writing classes, joined the Association of Personal Historians (APH) and became a Personal Historian. As I started to get more clients, I noticed a disturbing trend: my subjects had a tendency to die.

Most of the life stories I’ve written have been about elderly people. I learned very quickly to determine the most important topics to be covered before staring any interviews, and then address them first. Obviously, none of us know just how long we’ll live, but older people most likely have less time remaining. However, we can lose anyone at any age.

By the end of my first year in business, I was becoming discouraged—not because I didn’t have enough clients, but because the majority of them had passed away. To be honest, I almost felt like the Grim Reaper. For a while, I contemplated whether this was the right field. During the interviewing and writing processes, it was easy for me to get involved with my subjects, through the good and the bad in their lives. When they died, it was heartbreakingly sad.

One of my clients died very suddenly, but peacefully, while watching her favorite television program. I had just completed the interviews and written her story; all that remained was to finish pulling in the scanned photographs. After talking to the daughter who had commissioned me, we decided to complete her mother’s story in a booklet and give it to the family members, which I did two days later.

At the wake the next day, the family made me feel that my efforts were not only worthwhile, they were greatly appreciated. Without the stories I had preserved, the children and grandchildren would never have known some of the details from the woman’s life.

I continue to write life stories for people and encourage them to write their own. The important thing is to preserve those precious family stories before they are lost forever. None of us know exactly how much time we have. Here are some suggestions to help you start saving your own family stories now, while you still can.

Record Them
When you start working on your own family stories, I do strongly recommend getting a digital recorder, which is small, unobtrusive & fairly inexpensive. Mine is a Sony ICD-P520, which is less than $50 on Amazon.com. Another nice feature is that you can use the USB to load it to your computer and create CDs. Once you have a recording, you can also transcribe it into a Word document.

Prioritize Subjects
If you want to capture stories and folklore from the elderly, I urge you to start right away. You never know when they (or perhaps just their minds) may be suddenly taken away. Whenever you get a group of people together, encourage them to talk about their experiences. If possible, record them talking, but if not, then take notes to expand later.

Writing Journal
Keep a writing journal to remind yourself of stories you want them to talk about, or events you recall yourself. Use photos & memorabilia to help them reminisce. That often has a starburst effect - one memory leads to three others and each of them to several more. It is a wonderful way to keep expanding their legacy.

Helpful Websites
Here are some of my favorite websites to help you get started. And of course, my book has some excellent ideas on how to capture your family stories.

About.com: Genealogy website has a list of 50 questions to help on interviews.
www.genealogy.about.com/cs/oralhistory/a/interview.htm

Ancestry.com: This website says, “Feel free to print and distribute” a Script for Video or Audio Interviews with Family Members. www.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~lineage/famhist.htm

Bethlamie.com: My website, where you can sign up for a free monthly newsletter (via email) with tips on writing family history.
www.bethlamie.com

One Story at a Time.blogspot.com: My blog with writing suggestions and examples of family stories.
www.onestoryatatime.blogspot.com

Association of Personal Historians (APH), which offers an anthology of personal stories.
www.personalhistorians.org/

Cyndi’s List.com: More than 200,000 website links to help with genealogy and family history.
www.cyndislist.com/

Grandparents TLC.com: This site offers “Technology to Help Loving Grandparents Connect with Grandchildren!”
www.grandparentstlc.com/blog/

Smithsonian Institute: This booklet in PDF format explains how to get started with interviews, sample questions and additional resources.
www.Folklife.SI.edu/Resources/pdf/InterviewingGuide.pdf

Story of My Life.com: Free private website to easily gather all your family stories from friends and family and invite participation from around the world.
www.storyofmylife.com

However you decide to start your own family stories, please start sooner rather than later. When something happens to one of your loved ones, you’ll be glad to have a keepsake of them.

Double Your Donation Dec 5

2011-11-29T16:56:00.001-06:00

Take action on 5 December and double your impact!

Donate here: The Big Give

How will YOU help charitable organizations this year?

Thanksgiving Memories - Keepsake for Kids

2011-11-24T08:44:00.000-06:00

This is an encore presentation. Enjoy!

What are your plans for Thanksgiving? As you consider the food, table settings, decorations and the dozens of other arrangements to be made, here's a suggestion for keeping the children busy and happy. It's also a great way to help them record their experiences and memories.

Use this link to download a free ebook for the kids:
Thanksgiving Keepsake for Kids

The ebook has activities that combine personal stories, family history, writing, drawing, and interviewing family members and friends.

Here are some of the questions that children can consider during the Thanksgiving holiday:
Who celebrates Thanksgiving with you?
Where will everyone travel from?
Were there any travel problems?
What did you like best about Thanksgiving?
What is your favorite Thanksgiving memory?
What foods will be fixed for Thanksgiving?
What will/did you give thanks for on Thanksgiving?
What will/did you do on Thanksgiving morning?
What was Thanksgiving dinner like?
What did you do on Thanksgiving night?
What stories did you hear on Thanksgiving?

What will your kids remember about Thanksgiving?
I'd love to hear about your experiences using this ebook.

If you are interested in receiving an ebook on other holidays, such as Christmas, Hanukkah, etcetera, please leave a comment below. All suggestions are welcome.

Why I Teach About Ethical Wills

2011-11-16T23:43:00.000-06:00

Many instructors can teach students the mechanics of writing a cohesive story. Some can help writers ferret out individual stories from their lives. However, my forte is combining both of these aspects of personal storytelling to create a compelling ethical will.

My goal is to educate people about ethical wills and how writing one creates an enduring legacy. Many of them are looking for ways to ensure their lives have been worth living and of importance to future generations—they want to be remembered.

During my writing workshops, students learn how to evoke powerful memories by drawing from their life experiences, how to examine their thoughts and select a subject, and how to write a cohesive story. The final step is to create a compelling tale that resonates with their loved ones, who are recipients of the ethical will.

Feedback from my ethical wills workshops has been positive. When participants complete a workshop and walk out with their first ethical will in their hands, I know I’ve made a difference in their lives.

Ready to start your own ethical will? Consider joining my free teleclass on Thursday:

CALL-IN INFORMATION:
Dial-In: 712 - 432 - 0900
Access: 197851#

Thursday 11/17/11 8 PM Eastern / 7 PM Central / 6 PM Mountain / 5 PM Pacific
TOPIC: What Is an Ethical Will vs a Last Will?

Inspirational Quotes from Darren LaCroix

2011-11-15T22:55:00.003-06:00

Last week, I met Darren LaCroix, who is a World Champion of Public Speaking. He gave an inspirational presentation to the NSA-IL (National Speakers Association – Illinois). I loved that he was so willing to share his knowledge with everyone, which was impressive.

One of Darren’s free offerings is 365 days of inspirational quotations, which are available to everyone.

Just go to www.365InspirationalQuotes.com to sign up.

I’m looking forward to reading a new quote every morning. How about you?

Simple Ethical Will

2011-11-12T23:42:00.002-06:00

An Ethical Will is a wonderful way to pass your personal values on to your loved ones. It also tells the world what you consider important, as an individual or as a responsible corporation.

Here is a simple yet lovely example, expressed as a Code of Conduct by the J. M. Smucker Company.

J. M. Smucker’s Code of Conduct:

• Listen with your full attention

• Look for the good in others

• Have a sense of humor

• Say thank you for a job well done

What values will you include in your Ethical Will?

Veteran's Day 11-11-11

2011-11-11T22:47:00.000-06:00

Happy Veteran's Day to all our current and retired military personnel.

Thank you for all you have given for our country.

Too Early for Snow

2011-11-10T23:09:00.001-06:00

We live in the Midwest, where the weather can be unpredictable and unseasonably warm or cold, wet or dry, or any combination of all of them in one peculiar season. I realize that. However, I somehow missed the weather forecast for today to include snow flurries.

So when we started getting some pretty heavy snow showers, I was amazed . . . and unprepared. I happen to love winter, but usually we work up to snow season more gradually.

Fortunately for us, the huge snowflakes melted as soon as they landed on the brick pavers in the back yard.

Seeing that, and realizing I had nowhere special to go tonight, I relaxed and watched the beautiful flakes swirl around.

I also realized today was yet another day for which I am grateful. Thank you, Lord!

Apples in the Fall

2011-11-09T22:45:00.002-06:00

This is an encore presentation from 11/13/2008. I think of this topic every year at this time. Enjoy!

Fall has always been one of my favorite seasons with the start of the new school year, foliage beginning to change and the onset of cooler days and nights. One of our memorable pastimes was to pick apples in a local orchard.

We brought our own containers - a variety of boxes, bushel baskets and tubs. For consistency in measuring how much we picked, the orchard provided their own bushel baskets to use during the picking process, then the apples were gently transferred to our own. It was lucky for us that they could not measure how many apples we managed to eat while picking.

There was an especially bountiful harvest one autumn when my son Jason was six years old. He and I had recently moved back to my hometown after living in the "City", that is, anywhere north of Interstate 80, as far as my Dad was concerned. It was a beautiful cool, crisp day with the sun shining as we drove to the orchard with Mom & Dad.

The trees were just covered with a terrific selection of big juicy apples that year: Jonathans, Red Delicious, Yellow Delicious and McIntosh. Naturally, we had to grab the biggest shiniest ones to taste test before we could begin picking.

As we moved from tree to tree, Jason delighted in running ahead to survey the next target and cry, "Wow, look at all the big ones on THIS tree!" It was so easy to get caught up in the moment of fun & discovery that the four of us ended up picking seven full bushels of apples.

That was a huge amount of apples for us or for anyone. Fortunately, I had an old spare refrigerator in my garage, so we were able to pack it full with the apples that didn't fit into our main refrigerators. With all that food stockpiled, we stuffed ourselves (as well as family, friends and neighbors) with all manner of scrumptious apple delicacies.

The delicious aroma of cinnamon and nutmeg filled our house almost every day. We had apple pie, apple crisp, apple cake, apple coffeecake and apple pudding. And still we had more apples.

We had fried apples, caramel apples, taffy apples, apple butter, apple salads, apple muffins and apple dumplings. And still we had more apples.

Jason took brightly polished red and yellow apples to school for his birthday treat, and for his teacher, too. For Christmas, we even hung shiny red apples by ribbons onto our tree. And still we had more apples.

We had enough apples to last us all through that Fall and Winter and into Spring. By the time we had finally finished eating all those apples, I realized two things: 1) an apple a day really does keep the doctor away because we didn’t get sick all winter long, and 2) I never EVER got tired of apples!

Ethical Wills Insights

2011-11-08T18:53:00.003-06:00

A myth about Ethical Wills . . . and other end-of-life documents

Some people are afraid of anything that makes them think of their own death. That could be a Last Will, a Living Will, or even an Ethical Will.

Logically, such a view is not realistic. Unfortunately, a great many older Americans feel that by ignoring what will happen after their demise, they can somehow prolong the inevitable.

Of course, no one can cheat the Grim Reaper. How much better it would be for the remaining family if someone's personal matters are all in order.

Whether you are past your prime or just starting out, I hope you consider writing your Ethical Will. Your loved ones will appreciate it, too.

Ethical Wills - What Are They Really?

2011-11-07T21:26:00.002-06:00

An ethical will, also called a legacy letter, is usually a written document created to share significant thoughts with loved ones, such as experiences, values, wisdom, and blessings. It can be shared with family members or friends either at the time it is written, or be preserved and read after the author’s death.

Ethical wills began as a Jewish tradition over 3,000 years ago. Originally, the practice was used to orally pass down values to future generations. Topics usually included the family’s lineage since earliest times. Modern audiences find an updated approach appeals to their current needs to leave a similar legacy.

Definition
An ethical will is a document that shares significant thoughts with loved ones. It is also known as a legacy letter.

Whether an ethical will or legacy letter is as brief as a few paragraphs, or as long as a complete memoir, it is a heartfelt communication that becomes an enduring reminder of a person’s love and caring. The majority of ethical wills are written, but other alternatives will be considered later in this chapter. When written by hand, the document becomes a lovely keepsake of an individual’s handwriting.

Example:
My grandmother passed away some forty years ago, but recently I found an old recipe card in her beautiful cursive script. For an instant, it felt like she was sitting beside me again. That simple card is a priceless heirloom to me, but I wish she had known about ethical wills.

November Teleclass Schedule
CALL-IN INFORMATION:
Dial-In: 712 - 432 - 0900
Access: 197851#
Please join us on any of our calls!

Tuesday 11/08/11 8 PM ET / 7 PM CT / 5 PM PT
TOPIC: What Is an Ethical Will?

Thursday 11/17/11 8 PM ET / 7 PM CT / 5 PM PT
TOPIC: What Is an Ethical Will vs a Last Will?

Tuesday 11/22/11 8 PM ET / 7 PM CT / 5 PM PT
TOPIC: Why Write an Ethical Will?

Wednesday 11/30/11 3 PM ET / 2 PM CT / NOON PT
TOPIC: Why Write an Ethical Will?

More details about Ethical Wills available at www.bethlamie.com.

Family Stories - Will You Wait Too Long?

2011-11-06T23:16:00.003-06:00

Four years ago, I became a Personal Historian, after taking some creative writing and memoir writing classes and joining the Association of Personal Historians (APH). As I started to get more clients, I noticed a disturbing trend: my subjects had a tendency to die.

Most of the life stories I’ve written have been about elderly people. I learned very quickly to determine the most important topics to be covered before staring any interviews, then address them first. Obviously, none of us know just how long we’ll live, but older people most likely have less time remaining. However, we can lose anyone at any age.

By the end of my first year in business, I was becoming discouraged—not because I didn’t have enough clients, but because the majority of them had passed away. To be honest, I almost felt like the Grim Reaper. For a while, I contemplated whether I was in the right field. During the interviewing and writing processes, it was easy for me to get involved with my subjects, through the good and the bad in their lives. When they died, I was terribly saddened.

One of my clients died very suddenly, but peacefully. I had just completed the interviews and written her story; all that remained was to finish pulling in the photographs I had scanned. After talking to the daughter who had commissioned me, we decided to complete her mother’s story in a booklet for the family, which I did two days later.

At the wake the next day, the family made me feel that my efforts were not only worthwhile, they were greatly appreciated. Without the stories I had preserved, the children and grandchildren would never have known some of the details from the woman’s life.

I continue to write life stories for people and encourage them to write their own. The important thing is to preserve those precious family stories before they are lost forever. None of us know exactly how much time we have. Make an effort to start saving your own family stories now, while you still can.

Are you ready to start now? Please consider coming to some of our weekly teleclasses, where we can talk about easy ways to find your own stories.

November Teleclass Schedule for Ethical Wills

CALL-IN INFORMATION:
Dial-In: 712 - 432 - 0900
Access: 197851#
Please join us on any of our calls!

Tuesday 11/08/11 8 PM ET / 7 PM CT / 5 PM PT
TOPIC: What Is an Ethical Will?

Shedd Aquarium Visit

2011-11-05T22:35:00.004-05:00

Today was another delightful afternoon to remember along with my other family stories. My son, Jason, and his two kids, Alex and Nicholas, ages 6 and 7 respectively, met me at Shedd Aquarium in downtown Chicago. I hadn’t been there for some eighteen years or so, and it was nice to see how many new exhibits had been created.

Everyone’s favorite was the Caribbean Reef, which is an award-winning 90,000-gallon circular habitat open on all sides to allow patrons to walk around and view the huge variety of fish, including gigantic tarpons, Moray eels, parrotfish, sting rays, manta rays, and many more I don’t know the names of.

At the appointed hour, a docent named Lee arrived and asked the surrounding crowd to step back “five giant steps” to outside the blue circle marked on the floor so everyone could see clearly. Amazingly, everyone complied, which was a pleasant surprise, and we had ideal seats for the entire show.

A diver named Brooks entered the water to feed the sea creatures and interact with them. He stroked the manta rays and turtles as they calmly approached to feed from his hand. Another pleasant surprise was that Lee fielded questions from the crowd and relayed them to Brooks for a response.

Alex, my granddaughter, asked if they remove the stingers from the sting rays. The answer is no, they don’t. However, Brooks said the one ray swimming around without a tail was due to a fish that liked to nibble on its tail, until the tail was finally gone.

Brooks talked about the big green sea turtle named Nickel. He was injured by the motor on a boat and brought to special veterinarians for repair. Severely damaged hind flippers meant he’ll never be released back into the wild, but he’ll always have a good home at Shedd. How did he come by his name? When the doctors took x-rays, they found something stuck in his throat: they removed an old 1975 nickel, so that’s what they called him.

Nicholas liked a huge old lungfish called Granddad. He had black spots all over his long body. According to the Shedd website, “Granddad has lived longer than any fish in any aquarium in the world.” He came from Australia as a mature adult to Shedd for the World’s Fair in 1933!

Some of the other animals we saw were fogs, jellyfish or “jellies”, dolphins, sea otters, penguins, and small turtles.

We all had fun while we learned something new about the sea life all around us. This is one place we’ll need to visit again. There was too much to see in one day, plus the exhibits change on a regular basis.

Have you been to an aquarium recently? If so, what did you like best?

The Temptation of Tulips

2011-11-04T23:18:00.001-05:00

Today was a lovely afternoon – one of those perfect autumn days when the sun is shining, the air is crisp, and it just feels good to be alive. Beautiful!

Taking advantage of the weather’s cooperation and some unexpected free time in my schedule, Hubby and I decided to work in the flower bed in front of our house. Well, okay, to be brutally honest, I decided and he reluctantly agreed to help.

Actually, I had to play my trump card to convince him: yesterday was my birthday and Hubby sort of offered to plant tulip bulbs, and three mums. Although I’m not much of a gardener, I do enjoy perennials that come back every year, at least in theory. In particular, my chrysanthemums never seem to survive our Midwest winters very well. But I keep trying!

While planting the mixed-color tulip bulbs, I couldn’t help but think about my mother. She absolutely loved tulips, especially red ones. One fall, she planted some 150 bulbs, half red and half yellow. Mom happened to have a bevy of squirrels in her neighborhood, but they always kept her entertained.

However, the next spring, she was thoroughly disgusted with those squirrels. They managed to dig up and consume every single red tulip bulb. None of the yellow ones, mind you, just the red!

Undaunted, Mom again planted red and yellow bulbs that fall. This time, however, she generously coated each and every one with hot Tobasco sauce. She waited for spring that year in anticipation of a bounty of glorious tulips in both colors.

Every day, she marched outside to watch the tender young tulip leaves poke through the dirt and begin to grow.

Every day, she watched the tiny buds develop.

Every day, she waited with bated breath to see a miniscule hint of color.

Finally, one day she trekked outside to see the tulips had burst into bloom. All yellow!

Philosophically, Mom shrugged her shoulders and said, “Well, I guess the squirrels need some help getting through the winter, too.” After that, every year she continued to plant red and yellow tulips. And every year, the squirrels continued to eat the red ones . . . and frolicked in her yard to say thank you.

So that’s where my thoughts carried me during our afternoon of digging, planting, and watering. It felt as if my mother was working right beside me, even though she’s been gone ten years. As she taught me, I’ll wait in anticipation for spring, when we’ll find out if my mums come back and if our pesky squirrels found the tulip bulbs.

Who knows if they’ll have a preference for our red bulbs, too?

What memories do you have about fall chores? Do they ever make you reminisce about your loved ones?

I’d love to hear about your experiences.

Keepsake for Kids - Thanksgiving Memories

2011-11-03T20:28:00.001-05:00

Gorilla Love – a Perfect Christmas Gift

2011-11-02T10:43:00.001-05:00

Today we have a guest post by Robin Huffman, animal-lover extraordinaire! She is living her lifelong dream to work closely as a volunteer with exotic wildlife. Currently, she is on her way from Dakar to Johannesburg, South Africa, to volunteer for four months at the Vervet Monkey Foundation. Her website with amazing artwork and photos is listed at the end of this post. - Beth

Kudos to Robin for all the excellent work she does for animals!

TWO baby gorillas have just arrived at Ape Action Africa in Cameroon, Africa! That is so rare, because there aren't many gorillas left in the wild, and because they are so fragile that they rarely survive without their mothers. But Ape Action Africa is specialized in saving these innocent orphans. Also, three baby chimps have come in this year. It costs a lot to keep the babes in milk and the 24/7 care they require! And as I've probably told you, the sanctuary lost their director & major funder, Avi Sivan, less than one year ago in a helicopter crash. The sanctuary has just sent out a special plea for financial help.

During the week of December 5 - 11, donations to the charity through Big Give will be matched. What a great Christmas gift to give someone - a gift of philanthropy! AND knowing that you are helping save these magnificent gentle creatures! I promise it will feel GREAT!!!! I will forward the link and more info as soon as I get it.

If you CAN'T WAIT and want to give NOW, you can do so through the website: Ape Action Adopt
....OR plan on making your contribution the week of Dec. 5 - 11 so it can be doubled.

Spread the word - Either way: PHILANTHROPOMANIA ROCKS!

Here's a link to the story of the two gorillas, Luci and Chickaboo: Gorilla News Story

Robin Huffman
www.peacefulportraits.com

November Teleclass Schedule For Ethical Wills

2011-11-01T23:44:00.005-05:00

CALL-IN INFORMATION:
Dial-In: 712 - 432 - 0900
Access: 197851#
Please join us on any of our calls!

Tuesday 11/08/11 8 PM ET / 7 PM CT / 5 PM PT
TOPIC: What Is an Ethical Will?

Thursday 11/17/11 3 PM ET / 2 PM CT / NOON PT
TOPIC: What Is an Ethical Will vs a Last Will?

Tuesday 11/22/11 8 PM ET / 7 PM CT / 5 PM PT
TOPIC: Why Write an Ethical Will?

Wednesday 11/30/11 3 PM ET / 2 PM CT / NOON PT
TOPIC: What Is an Ethical Will?

More details about Ethical Wills at www.bethlamie.com

Las Vegas Conference for APH

2011-10-31T20:39:00.001-05:00

The 17th annual conference of the Association of Personal Historians (APH) was held October 16-20, 2011 at Harrah’s Casino Hotel in Las Vegas, NV. I was excited to attend my first conference and to be elected to the APH Board of Directors.

Conference keynote speakers included Nikki Silva from NPR’s Kitchen Sisters, Oksana Marafioti, author of the forthcoming memoir, American Gypsy, and documentary filmmaker Ben Patton. The packed program offered five days of workshops, seminars and impromptu sessions on an array of topics ranging from interviewing methods to book indexing to video storytelling techniques.

I was among the almost 200 personal historians from around the world who gathered to sharpen business and technical skills, learn more about their profession and network with their colleagues. Personal historians preserve histories, life stories and memories for individuals, families, organizations and businesses. Personal history formats range from books containing family stories, photos and documents to audio or video documentaries.

How to get the most out of a conference? Here are some suggestions: 1) always wear a name badge, 2) ask questions to start a conversation with anyone nearby, 3) look over the program agenda to decide on the most useful sessions, 4) if a session isn’t as valuable as hoped, slip out to find another one, 5) offer to lend a hand when needed, 6) share whatever insights you can offer to others, 7) if you start to burn out, take a break or even a nap to get refreshed, and 8) smile at everyone and call them by name when possible (Hint: Check their name badge).

For me, one of the greatest things about the conference was meeting in person the group of virtual colleagues she had met over the years. Although this was the first APH conference I was able to attend, meeting other personal historians face-to-face was an inspiration. People are drawn to the profession from a variety of backgrounds: journalism, counseling, education, graphic design, film, radio, book publishing and many other occupations. All share a dedication to preserving personal stories and documenting lives for the benefit of generations to come.

Attending this conference was an amazing way to network with people. It has rejuvenated my passion for preserving family stories. I discovered additional ways to help my clients preserve their stories in a variety of print formats from vignettes and tributes to full life stories. My newest offerings include Ethical Wills, which can be thought of as legacy letters to a family.

Attending the conference at a Las Vegas casino hotel begs the question: Did I have any luck gambling? Although good for a laugh, I’d have to say no, I’m not a gambler. In fact, with all the smoke, noise and sensory overload in the casino, during my one foray into it I spent about 3 minutes to lose a $5 credit in a slot machine.

Additional information about APH may be found at Personal Historians.

Writing Your Ethical Will – Part 3: Life Lessons Learned

2011-10-09T20:57:00.000-05:00

An ethical will, also called a legacy letter, is a document written to pass on important considerations, such as experiences, values, wisdom, and blessings, to loved ones. An ethical will can be shared with family members or friends either at the time it is written, or preserved to be read after the author’s death. Read more at my Ethical Wills.

This series of posts will show you how to write your own ethical will in six easy steps. Today’s post is the third topic - Life Lessons Learned.

Parts of an Ethical Will
1. Opening
2. Your History - Past & Present
3. Life Lessons Learned
4. Personal Values & Beliefs
5. Hopes for the Future
6. Closure

Each person’s life experiences shape them into the person they become. This third step in creating your ethical will examines some of the most significant factors in your life, such as: life lessons, losses and failures, achievements and accomplishments, gratitude, service, and advice.

A - Life Lessons
Your life lessons often shape who you are and who you become. Everyone experiences and responds differently to life lessons. That is why they are such an important element of your ethical will.
In this section, you can share the details of your significant experiences. What have you learned during your life, when, and from whom? Which ones have been pivotal influences in your life?

Examples:
I learned this from my father: find something you love to do, work hard, and be proud of yourself; only later did other people say girls aren’t “supposed” to compete with boys. I proved they were wrong.
My mother provided the inspiration to be the best I could be and to never give up on my dreams.
Playing chess taught me to plan ahead, be patient, and anticipate the desired outcome.
My grandmother showed me how to be a lady and still get what I wanted; behind every successful man is a strong woman.

B – Growth from Losses and Failures
No one has a perfect life. There are trials and tribulations, heartbreaks, disappointments, tragedies, losses, and failures. Ideally, they become opportunities for reflection and growth.
Think about your challenges and the impact they have had on your development. Did you go under at first? Did you eventually overcome? Did you gain compassion, patience, or greater understanding? Maybe even wisdom? Were you bitter? Were you able to forgive others? Yourself?
This may be difficult material to visit but worthwhile in your development and for the relevance of your ethical will. While your ethical will is a legacy letter for your loved ones, you don’t want it to become a vapid valentine without substance and depth.

Examples:
When I lost my job (scholarship, love of my life, etc.), I discovered that…
My illness (or losing my breast) taught me the importance of…
My divorce(s) proved to me…
Losing my parent (spouse, child) showed me…
The tragedy of my childhood enabled me to…
I regret that I didn’t learn sooner to…

C - Achievements & Accomplishments
Each person has their own goals, hopes, and dreams. Fulfilling any or all of them is in large measure dependent upon the person’s abilities, resources, circumstances, and even luck. As Thomas Jefferson said, “I find the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.” Think about all the factors that have contributed to working toward your goals.
What have been your proudest accomplishments and why? What can your descendants learn from your successes and missteps? Which achievements by your family have made you proud? How does having confidence in yourself lead you to more successes?

Examples:
My greatest achievement has been….(e.g. publishing a book that helps people communicate better, going back to school, becoming a certified Scuba Diver, sacrificing for my children’s education, overcoming certain challenges, working with troubled teens, etc.)
I am proud of the way my family (son, daughter, grandchildren, etc.) has…
In spite of a troubled youth, my son (daughter, uncle, friend, etc.) was able to…

D - Gratitude
Everyone has something to be grateful for every day. Even during times of duress or hardship, it is good to appreciate what we have in life. Rather than being thankful only once a year on Thanksgiving, for example, consider how different your life would be under different circumstances.
Focus on the good in your life, even in the midst of challenges. What are you grateful for and why? Have you witnessed the benefits of gratitude?

Examples:
I am grateful for … a warm bed … a loving, supportive family … and great friends.
I am grateful for beauty in nature.
I am grateful for opportunities to grow and learn.
I am blessed to live in a country that allows freedom of speech and religion.
I am fortunate to have been born with a few innate talents that led me to …

E - Advice
What advice do you want your friends and family to remember? How can you help them in some way? Think about the wisdom you can bequeath to them. Flesh out your advice with stories and examples. Share some of the joys you have experienced. What are your favorite poems, quotes, books, and why?

Examples:
Always treat others as you want to be treated.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Look for the good in people.
Don’t do anything you want to hide from your mother (father, grandchildren, etc.).
Follow your dreams.
Do something good for people, every day, whenever possible.

Ready to start writing your own Ethical Will? Use this template as an easy way to begin. Free Ethical Wills Template available now.

Have you started your Ethical Will? I'd love to hear how it's going.

New book coming soon:
The Essence of Ethical Wills: How to Write Legacy Letters to Your Family

33 Ways for Fun with Grandchildren

2011-10-03T19:35:00.000-05:00

This post was written for Simple Marriage by Home and Family columnist Beth LaMie.

Spending time with grandchildren is among the best things in life. In fact, it is priceless.

Although it’s always a pleasure to visit my son and his family, I thoroughly enjoy having the two grandkids all to myself. It seems the dynamics of how we relate to each other is totally different when their parents are elsewhere. That’s why I encourage them to go out on a date, or run some errands, or just go off by themselves for several hours.

That gives me a chance to spoil the six- and seven-year-old grandchildren just a bit while we have some fun. Of course, I keep them safe and secure the entire time, but a few of the minor rules may happen to fall by the wayside. Nothing serious, though.

By the way, one rule I try to enforce is that we play nothing that requires batteries. It seems to me that children have much more energy that grownups do, so it makes sense to let them use up some of that vigor while they play.

Regardless of a child’s age, there are endless ways to have fun with them. Every age offers its own challenge as well as opportunity. Keep an open mind and look for various resources for suggested activities to accommodate your young ones.

The trick is to figure out several options to offer them and to have any necessary items prepared in advance. For example, on my last visit with them, I brought along pages to color, a craft project, new books to read, a few snacks, some word games and puzzles, and the expectation that we’d have a wonderful time together.

In addition, my fallback plan was to investigate their roomful of toys, games, books, balls, etcetera, that they love to share. At least usually.

Here are some ideas on things to do with your grandchildren. Use it as a thought-generator to come up with your own activities. Some of these will appeal more than others, so don’t be afraid to experiment, either.

COOK SOMETHING YUMMY
1. Pancakes with mouse ears or rolled up with cinnamon and butter
2. Cookies from scratch or prepared mixes
3. Cupcakes frosted in fun ways
4. Make-your-own pizza
5. Dip pretzel sticks in chocolate or icing, then sprinkles
6. Build a gingerbread house (Hint: Use graham crackers for easy structures) XXX

GET CREATIVE
1. Dress-up or make-believe
2. Modeling clay, crayons, pipe cleaners
3. Scrapbook album or a single page
4. Art projects
5. Make hand or sock puppets

PLAY GAMES
1. Card games, word games, dominoes
2. Tic-tac-toe, connect-the-dots
3. Board games – checkers, Candyland, Sorry, Bingo
4. Hide-and-seek, blind man’s bluff, follow-the-leader
5. Simon says, Mother may I?

GET OUTDOORS
1. Walk, bike, go to a playground
2. Pick apples, pears, or other seasonal fruit
3. Draw with chalk on the driveway or sidewalk
4. Play tag, hop-scotch, or statue
5. Toss a ball, balloon (water?), or frisbee
6. Explore your yard – flowers, trees, birds, animals
7. Build a snowman

GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER
1. Play 20 questions
2. Talk about what you remember from your childhood
3. Ask about the child’s friends, toys, dreams, and share your own
4. Interview – Getting to Know You: A How-To Story for Kids on How to Interview Family Members (pdf) The Mini Page, Dec. 25-31, 2010) (c) 2010 Universal Uclick (2.0MB)

MORE IDEAS ON Grandparents.com
1. Instructions on how to play simple games
2. Great newsletter
3. Activities by age group, including seasonal pages to color
4. Easy recipes that kids enjoy
5. Suggestions on books, games, toys
6. Groups to join, such as “Grandparenting From Afar”

What are your favorite pastimes with your grandchildren? What activities can you plan for the upcoming holidays?

APH Annual Conference Oct. 16-20

2011-09-28T21:46:00.002-05:00

Interested in Personal Histories? Here is the event for you:

Links:

Association of Personal Historians (APH)

APH 2011 Annual Conference

Free Ethical Wills Template

2011-09-26T21:53:00.002-05:00

Ready to start writing your own Ethical Will?

NEW: a free Ethical Wills Template available now.

Use this template as an easy way to begin your Ethical Will.

New book coming soon:
The Essence of Ethical Wills: How to Write Legacy Letters to Your Family

Have you started your Ethical Will? I'd love to hear how it's going.

Home Downsizing and Saving Memories

2011-09-22T00:03:00.000-05:00

When the time comes to downsize a home, the dilemma is to decide what to do with all your belongings. Whether you need a smaller home because of an empty nest, less maintenance, or for daily assistance, the problem is the same: how do you part with many of your cherished possessions and still retain the precious memories associated with them?

Here are some simple ways to preserve your recollections as you disburse your collections:

Saving memories
• Photographs
Before you start to disassemble your home, take photographs of how each room is arranged, taking care to highlight your most cherished possessions. Ask someone else to take a few pictures with you and favorite pieces, whether they are jewelry, paintings, furniture, or some of the delightful treasures you may have found over the years. Make a few notes about the items, such as how and when you got it, where it came from, who was involved, and anything else you recall.

• Scrapbooks
Scrapbooks can be a wonderful way to house your favorite pictures, notes, and mementos. Keep in mind they don’t need to be elaborate or complicated to serve a purpose. Think of them as memory keepers. Solicit help from family members and friends to create a few scrapbook pages. You might even enjoy throwing a scrapping party with your favorite snacks and beverages.

• Vignettes
Another idea to consider is creating a scrapbook page vignette to tell a particular story. Use photos and some notes or journaling, then frame the single page to hang on the wall. Craft stores, such as Michaels or Hobby Lobby www.hobbylobby.com, have shadowboxes or scrapbook frames available in various sizes, as well as custom framing.

Gifts to share
• Early inheritance
If you plan to bequeath some of your favorite possessions to family members or friends, consider gifting them now. You’ll have the pleasure of seeing them use it and pass on the respect that it deserves. You may also decide to allow your loved ones to select their favorite reminders of you. A few years ago, a friend of mine was terminally ill. She threw a jewelry party at her home so each of her loved ones could try on her beloved trinkets and keep their preferences. What a great way to help each of them remember her on a positive note.

• Gifts to children and grandchildren
Another way to start downsizing is to give your children or grandchildren gifts. Check with your financial advisor or tax accountant about gifts up to $13,000 per year per child. After that, you’ll need to file IRS Form 709 for a federal gift tax return. This can be an especially thoughtful way to share some of your assets while you can enjoy the pleasure they provide to others.

• Heirlooms
If you have cherished heirlooms from your ancestors, you may want to have them appraised. That will help the recipient understand the monetary value for insurance purposes. Make sure you tell them the story behind the object to give them a better appreciation of why they are so important to you.

Protect Our Children

2011-09-19T00:07:00.001-05:00

Yesterday during the Author’s Fair at the Bourbonnais Public Library, I met Nancy Flowers, who is the author of a children’s book I highly recommend. It is called Tell Somebody It Happened to Me and is designed to prevent child abuse. The book is easy to read, with lively illustrations and a nice flip format for boys and girls. More details are available at www.tellsomebodybooks.com

Unfortunately, where child abuse is concerned, we seem to concentrate more on dealing with the aftermath than preventing the occurrence. This book provides an ideal way to broach the subject with children from four to ten. In fact, reading it annually with young boys and girls will help to reinforce its message in a non-threatening way.

I was delighted to learn Bravehearts Australia purchased 5000 copies of the book to distribute in their schools. They are dedicated to preventing childhood sexual abuse, which is commendable. Lord willing, schools in the United States will be enlightened some day as well.

In the meantime, I snagged a copy to read with my grandson and granddaughter. At ages seven and six respectively, I want to help make sure their innocence remains throughout their childhood. The reality is that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before the age of 18.

What are you doing to prevent the abuse before it happens?

AUTHOR FAIR Saturday, Sept. 17, 2011

2011-09-16T22:34:00.002-05:00

If you happen to be in the Kankakee, Illinois, area, please stop by:

AUTHOR FAIR Saturday 9/17/11 1-3 PM CT
Bourbonnais Public Library

I'd love to meet you in person!

P.S. Ask for your Friend's Discount

Grandparents Day 2011 - Building Memories

2011-09-12T20:29:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was Grandparents Day in the United States and I had the pleasure of spending the previous day with my two grandkids. At ages 6 and 7, they are young enough to enjoy being with Grandma and old enough to carry on some lovely conversations. I love that we are building memories together.

In preparation for my visit, I packed up my usual Bag of Tricks to keep things lively. Anything not used for one trip is saved for the next one, so nothing ever goes to waste.

Here are some of the items in the bag:
BOOKS
Books are some of my favorite diversions. Whether I read to the kids, they read to me, or we take turns reading, it’s always fun. Sometimes, the hardest part now is finding books for a girl and a boy to both enjoy. The selection this time happened to be a children’s version of the Roman Catholic Mass. As both their Godmother and Grandmother, the dual role can sometimes be a little tricky. Fortunately, these little books were a hit with both of them.

Having given the grandchildren many books over the years, they now have a lovely collection of them. Invariably, we’ll also read through several of their (and my) favorites, whether it’s Yertle the Turtle or The Velveteen Rabbit.

GAMES
I always try to bring a couple of age-appropriate games or activities. The kids love to color, so I printed off some Grandparents Day pages from www.grandparents.com: a greeting card to color and fold, as well as a word search puzzle. It turned out my granddaughter really liked the card and my grandson favored the puzzle. So they were each happy with my choices.

Usually, we play a few of their games, too. Each of the kids gets to choose a game and we complete at least one round before we move to the next one. Of course, whoever gets the game out has to pick up all the pieces and put the box away.

EDUCATIONAL OPTIONS
Educational toys are also among my favorites. I shop the local garage sales to find something they might like. If the seller’s kids happen to be around, they are usually brutally honest about whether the toys they offer were fun or not. The other tell-tell clue is the condition of the toy: if it is still in pristine condition, then likely no one found it fun. For this trip, I had two sets of age-appropriate flash cards held together by a pin on one corner. They look like fun, but we ran out of time this trip, so back they go into my Bag of Tricks until next time.

Now that both of the grandkids are in grade school, I expect we might have some homework to do from time to time as well. And that’s just fine. I love to know what they are doing and what they are studying.

FOOD
What Grandma doesn’t bring something good to eat? I always toss in some small snacks, such as cookies, cheese crackers, or candy. In addition, I bring along fruits and vegetables they may not be familiar with. This time, it was Honey Crisp apples, miniature sweet peppers in red, yellow and orange, and fresh raisin-pecan baguettes from our local farmer’s market. Surprisingly, the six-year-old loves fruits and vegetables; the seven-year-old, not so much.

If we will be eating together during our visit, I generally try to ensure we have something nutritious but fun. In this case, we had smoked sausage, which I cut into thin coin-shaped pieces and browned in a skillet. Not knowing how much they’d eat, I prepared about half the package and wrapped the rest to refrigerate for another meal.

At dinner, each of the kids wanted seven (not six, not eight, but seven) 'pennies,' so that’s what they got, along with their choice of rice or macaroni and cheese, with various vegetables. Thank Goodness for leftovers! For whatever reason, they thought the food was really yummy and asked for seconds. Sure, no problem! I gave each of them four more pieces while I started heating up the rest of the package. The new batch was barely warmed up before they were clamoring for more. Perfect timing!

Maybe that meal doesn’t sound very special for you, but it was for us. At times, dinner can be rather contentious, with each of the kids wanting something different that isn’t readily available. So it was a real treat that they both ate well and liked what Grandma fixed for them. Of course, it was a huge help that Mommy & Daddy had the kitchen nicely stocked, too. Good planning, good prep, and good execution. Now that’s the way it should be!

Here’s your challenge: How are YOU building memories with your grandchildren?

Before you know it, they’ll be grown and gone, so start now and have fun WITH them!

Ethical Wills – The Perfect Gift to Your Family

2011-09-07T00:38:00.004-05:00

When you write an Ethical Will, you create not one, but several priceless gifts.

First Gift:
One gift you’ll be giving to current and future generations is a piece of your heritage, consisting of all your family stories, customs, and traditions. The more your descendents known about their roots, the better they will understand themselves and you.

Second Gift:
Another gift is a piece of yourself, by taking the time and making the effort to keep precious stories from being lost. Your heritage is a priceless heirloom to leave for your family and friends. Besides being informative, and perhaps entertaining, you are preserving the essence of your accumulated history.

Third Gift:
A third gift is for yourself. Learning more information about your family gives you a better opportunity to know and appreciate who you are. The accumulation of that knowledge may be the most precious gift of all.

As we consider what information to include in your ethical will, keep the following items in mind:
• Thoughts from the past
o Personal history
o Family stories
o Lessons learned
o Regrets

• Thoughts from the present
o Personal values and beliefs
o Expressions of love
o Gratitude
o Giving and receiving forgiveness

• Thoughts for the future
o Hopes for you and your loved ones
o Philanthropy and service
o Requests
o Advice

Scan and Digitize Your Books for $1 Each

2011-08-29T14:13:00.001-05:00

Sometimes we find something from another website or blog that is just too good to not share with everyone. Here is an article that applies precisely. This could be a major benefit for anyone who is planning to downsize books, photos, etc. My thanks to Dick Eastman for allowing me to pass his article on to you.

The following article is from Eastman's Online Genealogy Newsletter and is copyright by Richard W. Eastman. It is re-published here with the permission of the author. Information about the newsletter is available at http://www.eogn.com.

1DollarScan Newsletter reader "Stony" Stonebraker wrote to tell of a new scanning service that is available. I read about the new service and became enthused. I write about a lot of services and products in this newsletter, but this is one I think I will use frequently!

I have been scanning genealogy books in preparation for "downsizing" someday. As I move closer to retirement, I realize that I will someday move to smaller living quarters without room for all the books and magazines I have accumulated. I won't have room for the required bookshelves. The answer seems obvious: digitize them! Thousands of books can be stored in a very small computer or in a tablet computer or even a flash drive.

The problem is that my progress to date has been slow. Scanning a book is a tedious process, and I haven't completed the scanning of very many books. Now a new online service promises to do the job for me at a modest price: one dollar per 100-page book. The same service will also scan documents, photographs, business cards, and even the old greeting cards from relatives I have been saving all these years.

1DollarScan is the U.S. division of a company called Bookscan that has been in business for a few years and now does several million dollars of business per year in Japan.

Anyone can use 1DollarScan by filling out an online order form and then shipping the books or other materials to 1DollarScan's offices in San Jose, California. The company scans them and converts them into PDF files and also performs OCR (optical character recognition) to create a text layer behind the images to make the text searchable and selectable. The PDF files and text files can be sent to the customer by download or on DVD disks. The PDF files can be read on:

Any Windows, Macintosh, or Linux computer
Apple iPad, iPad2, iPhone3G, iPhone3GS, iPhone4, iPod touch
HTC Desire, HTC DesireHD, Xperia
GALAXY S, GALAXY Tab
Amazon Kindle3 (coming soon)
SONY Reader PRS-650 (coming soon)
Barnes & Noble Nook (coming soon)
All Android phones, All Android Tabs
And probably all future computers and ebook readers as well

PDF is a standard that probably will be around for many years. When a better format becomes widely available, conversion programs undoubtedly will be available to easily convert the PDF files to whatever format becomes popular in the future.

After the materials are scanned and the electronic images are returned to the customer, the original paper documents may either be returned (the customer pays the shipping charges) or sent to a recycling service to be shredded and reborn as recycled paper. Obviously, none of us will be sending family heirloom photos to be recycled! However, this is a great method of recycling all the less-valuable books and magazines I have accumulated over the years. I bet I have 200 pounds of them and I certainly can't keep them all when I "downsize my living space."

Once the materials have been scanned and the electronic files sent, the customer manages all future storage as he or she sees fit. In my case, I will make multiple backups and will make sure the backups are stored in several different locations for safe keeping. I will use the L.O.C.K.S.S. method (Lots Of Copies Keeps Stuff Safe.) Luckily, this is easy to do and the online storage expenses are far cheaper than paying for a larger home to store all the physical books.

Prices for the scanning service seem reasonable:

Books: $1 for 100 pages (so scanning a 300-page book will cost $3)
Documents: $1 for 10 pages
Business cards: $1 for 10 cards
Photographs: $1 for 10 photos
Greeting cards: $1 per card

1DollarScan promises that future services will include saving all scanned materials directly to a shared Dropbox folder with no CD or DVD disks required. 1DollarScan will scan the books, perform the OCR text conversion, and the customer will receive electronic copies within minutes.

The company is also promising a future service of shipments directly from Amazon.com. You will be able to buy a book on Amazon.com and specify it be shipped directly to 1DollarScan. The company will then scan the book, send the electronic version to you, and dispose of the paper copy as you specify.

I'd suggest this is a great service for genealogists and for many others as well. I won't use it for scanning everything I plan to digitize, but I do hope to send most of the "tedious" scanning to 1DollarScan. I still plan to scan my fragile materials and valuable items myself.

You can learn more about 1DollarScan's services at http://1dollarscan.com.

My thanks to newsletter reader "Stony" Stonebraker for telling me about 1DollarScan.

Never Too Old to Learn

2011-08-11T21:11:00.000-05:00

This is my guest post on 08/10/11 from www.simplemarriage.net. Check them out for more great ideas.

School is for everyone!

Kids are starting to gear up for a new school year. Stores have special sales on school supplies, book bags, clothing, shoes, and everything else students need.

This is also the time of year to start planning your own education. Regardless of your age, learning something new keeps your mind active, which goes a long way to keep you from growing old. Never subscribe to that old adage – you CAN teach an old dog new tricks.

Easier to Learn
In fact, getting older makes it easier in some ways to discover new activities. For example, retirees have several advantages over younger students. They have more time available, more interest in learning for the sake of learning, and have less pressure to get good grades. They can actually learn just for the fun of it. Have you always had an interest in geology or astronomy? Then this may be your chance to finally study it.

Financial Breaks
Another benefit older students may find is financial. Senior citizens can often audit classes for free, or qualify for reduced fees and tuition, at some four-year universities and community colleges. More than twenty states offer senior discounts, so check out the opportunities in your state at www.fastweb.com.

Government Assistance
Students of any age may be able to claim one of these three benefits: 1) the Lifetime Learning tax credit for up to $2,000 a year, 2) the American Opportunity credit for up to $2,500 a year, or 3) deductions for up to $4,000 a year. Make sure you check out the requirements first. You can learn more at www.TaxBenefitsForEducation.info, which is the IRS’s Tax Benefits for Education Information Center.

Scholarships
For anyone needing more assistance with tuition, there are scholarships aimed at returning adults and non-traditional students. In addition to the Fastweb site above, check your local institutions, as well as www.scholarships.com.

Are you interested in whale watching, archeology, or the Galapagos Islands? Two organizations support some 500 Lifelong Learning Institutes (LLI) nationwide for short-term intensive study. Check out Elderhostel (renamed as www.roadscholar.org) and Osher (www.osher.net). They offer something for almost everyone.

Those Who Can, Teach
Another possibility to study economically is to trade your expertise for what you want to learn. For example, if you excelled in the trades, such as electrical wiring, investigate teaching a class on it in exchange for a class in photography. Many schools have limited budgets to hire instructors, but may be more than willing to work out an arrangement. Be creative in your suggestions and you just might find the ideal arrangement.

Conferences
Many organizations open their conferences to the public, in addition to their members. For example, the Association of Personal Historians (APH) is holding their annual conference in Las Vegas in October, details at www.personalhistorians.org. It is a wonderful way for anyone to learn more about preserving their family stories. Check out other offerings on the internet, at your local library, or in trade magazines.

Ask Others
When you notice someone doing something out of the ordinary, either in person or in the newspaper, ask them how they learned it or discovered it. People enjoy talking about their hobbies and you may find both a new activity and a new friend with whom to share it. You can also find information at your library, bookstore, craft or hobby stores, and on the internet. There is a wealth of knowledge available when you start researching an area.

Other Opportunities to Learn
Many Senior Centers schedule group events for people to play cards, games, chess, crafts, book clubs, etc. Find one or two you like and participate. If you don’t find a group that shares your passion for cribbage, start your own. You can post a notice on a bulletin board, local newspaper, or community calendar.

Watch for the new catalogs arriving from your community college, continuing education provider, park district, and neighborhood associations. If you don’t find anything of interest, call them to ask for future classes on topics of your choice. You’ll never know how they’ll respond if you don’t ask.

What have you always wanted to learn, but never tackled? Discover a whole new world of exciting things to learn, both in school and out. But the important thing is to start today!

Never Too Old to Learn is a post from: Simple Marriage

Writing Guidelines for Family Stories & Ethical Wills

2011-07-12T00:14:00.001-05:00

Whether you are writing your family stories or your ethical will, sometimes it is hard to get started. Here's something that might help when you are stuck.

Do you remember when you made a toy house with wooden building blocks? If so, then you know you start with the floor, then the walls and then the roof. Building a biography or autobiography is kind of the same. You just start with a few simple writing guidelines and paragraph structure to create the story.

Every writer uses roughly the same steps. Sometimes you may be able to combine steps together. But stories will make more sense if you generally follow these basic writing guidelines.

1. Brainstorming – write down a bunch of ideas.
• Don’t judge if ideas are good or bad, just write them.
• Get more ideas by talking to other people.
• One idea leads to another until you get an idea you like.
2. Rough Draft – get your ideas down on paper.
• Don’t worry about grammar, spelling or punctuation.
• Write down your ideas as fast as you can.
• If one thought takes you in another direction, go with it.
3. Revisions – make the story flow.
• Make sure each paragraph has a beginning, a middle and an ending.
• Does the first paragraph make a nice lead into the rest of the story?
• Are the paragraphs in sequence?
• Is it interesting? Does it make sense to the reader?
4. Editing – fine-tune the story.
• Clean up any grammar, spelling and punctuation problems.
• Add some pictures or your own drawings, if you like.
• Read the story to someone else to get more ideas.
5. Publishing – print a copy of your story.
• Print by computer or write it neatly by hand.
• Read it to yourself or to a few people.
• Listen to any feedback.

Repeat any or all of the above steps until you like the story.

When you first start writing your family stories, using the above steps in order will help you stay on track. If you find one of the steps too difficult, then think about going back a step to revise what you have done so far.

At some point when you write a story, you may be able to start with brainstorming and move right through each of the first four steps. Almost all writers need to revise their work until they get it just right. It takes some hard work to make your story as good as you can, but having a story people want to read makes it all worthwhile.

The important thing is that you can revise, edit, modify and perfect anything you write. After some time, you may want to pick up the thread of a given story and use it in other ways and other places. As the writer, you always have those options. The story belongs to you to discard or resurrect as you see fit.

Have fun writing all your wonderful stories! Which are your favorites?

Teleclass Wednesday, July 6, 2011

2011-07-01T11:03:00.001-05:00

Teleclass Wednesday, July 6 at 8 PM ET.

TOPIC: Why Write an Ethical Will?

Dial-In: 712-432-0900
Access: 197851#

Find PEACE OF MIND -
leave a PIECE OF YOUR MIND in a Legacy Letter!

Find Peace – Leave a Piece of Your Mind in a Legacy Letter

2011-06-30T17:23:00.003-05:00

Practical Ethical Wills

An Ethical Will, or a Legacy Letter, is a simple way to share what is important to you with your family and friends. It can also help you find peace of mind by leaving behind a piece of your mind. In fact, it can be a lovely spiritual gift for your loved ones to remember you now and years from now.

If you knew ahead of time when your life was going to end, what words of wisdom and comfort would you want to leave for your family? You may have a Last Will and Testament for the legal allocation of your possessions, as well as a Living Will with instructions for handling medical concerns, but an Ethical Will gives your family a better understanding of who you are, what is important to you, and what you hope to pass on to them.

Although your Ethical Will is non-legal and non-financial, its value is priceless!

Think about what you wish you knew about your parents, grandparents, and other ancestors. For example, why did your family uproot their lives to emigrate from one area of the country to another, like the pioneers who endured hardships to settle the West? You can share their experiences, and your own, with your descendants and friends.

Many people think about writing an Ethical Will when they are nearing the end of their life. In reality, such wills should ideally be an ongoing practice. If there are any unresolved issues in your life, or situations where you need to forgive or be forgiven, a legacy letter is the perfect opportunity to reach a resolution.

Consider starting an Ethical Will as soon as possible, regardless of your age. Update it regularly prior to or after major milestones, such as graduations, marriage and divorce, births and deaths, personal achievements, and world events. Reviewing each version can show how much you have changed and grown over the years.

Life is too short and too precious to miss the opportunity to leave a legacy letter to your family. Start now!

How to Become a Writer

2011-06-27T21:13:00.003-05:00

From time to time, people ask how I got started writing, especially if they also want to write. Let me give you some background on myself. I got laid off from IBM several years ago and decided to take an early retirement rather than another job in Corporate America. I've always done a lot of writing, both for work (documentation, manuals, user guides) & personal (journals, letters, stories, family stories), so it seemed like a good time to see if I could actually BE a writer.

I took some classes at the University of Chicago in Creative Writing & Memoir Writing, then a Success Team from Barbara Sher. I also joined the Association of Personal Historians (APH), which I recommend highly. For the last four years, I’ve been writing life stories for clients, in addition to my own family stories and my book, and giving writing workshops at schools and organizations.

It took me over a year to write my book in conjunction with the year-long WriteSpeak program with Barbara Sher. I self-published my book, Granny’s Guide to Fun & Fabulous Family Stories, so I could use it for my workshops. With traditional publishers, it can take two years or more from the time you sign a contract until you have the book in your hands. I couldn’t wait that long for my purposes.

It may help to take some writing classes to get started, but it’s not absolutely necessary. The important thing is to start writing. Here are some suggestions:
• Get yourself a notebook to use as a writing journal and jot down ideas, like something vivid that you remember from your 14th birthday, for example. Don’t worry about grammar or spelling or anything, just write a little every day.

• Read writing magazines, such as Writer’s Digest, Poets & Writers or The Writer. HINT: When you subscribe to any of them, you’ll start to FEEL like a writer.

• Read all the books you can get your hands on, especially the ones related to your own field of interest. Pay attention to how the author develops the story, regardless of whether it is fiction or non-fiction. What do you like or not like about the writing?

• Read blogs (web logs) related to your interests and consider starting your own blog at a free site like www.blogspot.com, or on your website, such as mine at www.bethlamie.com/blog. Write about what you know and what you’d like to know.

• Write something every day. Get into the habit of making notes about topics that interest you and plan future articles, blogs, stories, etc.

Most of all, just write!

What do YOU want to write about? I’d love to hear about it.

What Is an Ethical Will?

2011-06-21T11:46:00.005-05:00

Teleclass today at 2 PM ET.

Dial-In: 712-432-0900
Access: 197851#

Tuesday, June 21, 2 PM ET
TOPIC: What Is an Ethical Will?

An Ethical Will IS:
- A legacy of love and a spiritual gift
- A chance for your family (and YOU) to understand who you are
- A way to share what is important to you
- A means to pass on your hopes & dreams

An Ethical Will IS NOT:
- A legal document
- A financial document
- A binding document

Ready to start writing an Ethical Will?

What are your thoughts and concerns about them?

We love to get your input and feedback!

Comment here or contact Beth@bethlamie.com

Revised Teleclass Tuesday, June 21, 2011

2011-06-20T16:40:00.001-05:00

Welcome! Join us for a teleclass on Ethical Wills
WHY? Two great reasons:
1) You can learn about FREE and easy ways to leave a legacy letter or Ethical Will for your loved ones.
2) Your input will help me fine-tune material for my new book, Ethical Wills the Easy Way.

Dial-In: 712-432-0900
Access: 197851#

Tuesday, June 21, 2 PM ET
TOPIC: What Is an Ethical Will?

Calls last 45 minutes, with time for questions at the end.
Your participation is welcome.

If you cannot attend the live call, a recording will be available later.

Teleclass Tuesday, June 21, 2011

2011-06-19T23:58:00.000-05:00

Welcome! Join us for a teleclass on Ethical Wills

Dial-In: 712-432-0900
Access: 197851#

Tuesday, June 21, 2 PM ET
TOPIC: Ethical Will vs. Last Will vs. Living Will

Calls last 45 to 60 minutes & your participation is welcome.

If you cannot attend the live call, a recording will be available later.

Ethical Wills - Will It or Won’t It?

2011-06-16T13:04:00.000-05:00

An Ethical Will is like a love letter to your family. You may already have a Last Will and a Living Will, so why on earth do you need an Ethical Will?

There are two excellent reasons for creating an Ethical Will: 1) it makes a priceless keepsake for your loved ones and 2) it is an excellent opportunity for you to consider the life you have led and have yet to lead.

A Last Will addresses your assets and how you want them to be distributed to your family, friends, or favorite charities. If you don’t happen to have a will at your death, the state where you reside will determine who inherits your worldly goods. I can’t speak for others, but I have no desire to let the government dole out my hard-earned money and property.

TIP: If you don’t have a Last Will, it’s not too late to create one. See an attorney at your earliest convenience.

A Living Will contains your health care directives. If you cannot make the decisions for your own care, such as after an accident, a heart attack, or a stroke, this document explains who can make those decisions for you. No one likes to think about becoming incapacitated, but worse yet would be for others to not know your wishes about using extraordinary measures to keep you alive.

TIP: If you don’t have a Living Will, it’s time to create one. See an attorney at your earliest convenience. An alternative: use the standard forms available at many hospitals and health care providers. In fact, it has become common practice for hospitals to encourage patients to create a Living Will before operations or certain procedures. Good advice!

An Ethical Will enables you to share personal information with your loved ones. It includes some of your history, such as where your ancestors came from, how they ended up in this city or even this country, what you remember best about them, and what you want future generations to understand about their heritage.

Your present-day history can also be an important part of your Ethical Will. Where did you come from, where have you been, and where do you intend to go from here? All these questions help you consider what has led to the development of you as a person. This is such a great opportunity to share that information with your loved ones.

Ethical Wills also contain information about the life lessons you have learned, your growth from any losses or failures, and your accomplishments. By describing your life in these terms, your heirs can benefit from the precious advice you can bequeath to them.

My favorite part of an Ethical Will happens to be the personal values and beliefs that we each have. Looking at them in depth allows you to figure out not only who you are, but who you want to become. That discovery is significant for both you and your loved ones.

The last portion of an Ethical Will contains your hopes and dreams for yourself, your family and friends, and even for the world at large. When you examine those hopes, you can extend your universe beyond yourself to benefit others. For example, you may rediscover an early ambition as a young adult to save the world; now is the time to examine ways to continue that dream, perhaps by charitable works or contributions to worthwhile causes.

However you create your own Ethical Will, be assured that your family, friends, and other loved ones will appreciate your sharing your life with them. Having such a personal keepsake from you is a priceless gift.

When are you going to start your own Ethical Will? It’s never too late, you know!

Values Over Valuables - What Is Your Legacy?

2011-06-14T13:47:00.002-05:00

This is my guest post today from www.simplemarriage.net.

Which do you think people value more: a financial or non-financial inheritance? Or, to put it another way, if you lost a loved one, what legacy would you want to have from them?

The statistics may surprise you. A few years ago, Allianz Life Insurance Company of North America conducted a survey of over 2600 baby boomers and elders.

According to the survey, participants felt a non-financial legacy was 10 times more important than money and other assets. Think about that; the response overwhelmingly favored a personal heritage over worldly goods, values over valuables.

77% of boomers and elders personally felt values and life experiences were very important parts of an inheritance. How exciting to realize that virtually every single person has the ability to leave a meaningful heritage for their loved ones!

Which types of values are the most important to leave as your legacy? They include your personal values, ethics, religion, memories, heritage, and family stories. Not coincidentally, these values are all elements of an Ethical Will.

While an Ethical Will is non-legal and non-financial, to your family it is priceless.

Leaving a legacy your family will treasure can be as simple as writing them a love letter or capturing your words in an audio or video recording. Whatever you decide to do, here are some of the topics you can include:

• Your History – Past and Present
Remember all the great stories you used to hear when you were a kid? Some of them might have been fantasies, like bedtime stories, but many of them were probably true. For me, the best stories came from favorite family members and friends. I recall everyone sitting around the kitchen table while Grandpa talked about farming, or Uncle Morris told a tall tale about raising pigs. I was fascinated, hanging on their every word. Those are among the stories I want to pass down to my young grandchildren and even to future generations.

Have you started a genealogy or family tree? I love to visualize a bare oak tree with the roots exposed as in this diagram. That forms the heritage and structure of a family, which includes all the dates, places, and names. Now consider all your family stories – those are what flesh out the tree, including the leaves and blossoms that make it interesting. If your family is like mine, those stories flesh out all the fruits and nuts of a family, too. They are the quirky, personal stories that everyone loves to hear.

• Life Lessons and Achievements
Think about your own life. Everyone experiences and responds differently to life lessons. That is why they are such an important element of your Ethical Will. What have you learned during your life, when, and from whom? Your life lessons often shape who you are and who you become.

What have been your proudest accomplishments and why? What can your descendants learn from your successes and missteps? Which achievements by your family have made you proud? How does having confidence in yourself lead you to more successes?

Think about the wisdom you can bequeath to your family. Flesh out your advice with stories and examples. What advice do you want your friends and family to remember? How can you help them in some way?

• Personal Values and Beliefs
Your personal values are unique to you, and they may vary from time to time. Every person responds differently to the influences in their lives and what life dishes out to them. Examining your own personal values allows you to figure out not only who you are, but who you want to become.

Your values are determined by your heart, your family, your friends, your religion, and your community. They may be as ingrained in you as DNA. Consider which personal values and beliefs you want to include in your Ethical Will.

• Hopes for the Future
Voice your hopes for the future, for you, your family, your community, and your world. Which hopes and dreams are most important to you for your vision of the future? What do you look forward to sharing with those you love?

As you start working on your Legacy of Love, relish the thought that your values are more important than any valuables you may leave behind.

To whom do you plan to write your first Ethical Will?

Alice Pyne's Bucket List, ver. 2

2011-06-08T20:42:00.001-05:00

My apologies for the problems I seem to be having with blogger.com today. We'll see if this attempt allows you to see the links I wanted to use.

People tend to think they'll live forever, even though logically they know it's not true. But what if you knew your time on earth was coming to an end? Would you attack your Bucket List (http://onestoryatatime.blogspot.com/2011/04/bucket-list-for-your-family.html) with a vengeance, just cry and feel sorry for yourself, or make the most of your last days?

One young 15-year-old girl in the UK named Alice finds herself in exactly that position. She has terminal cancer, but she started a blog to share news with her friends, family, and total strangers like me. Her blog, http://alicepyne.blogspot.com/2011/06/oh-dear.html , includes her Bucket List.

Being the skeptic I am, I wanted to check the validity of her story before sharing it with others. Here is a link to her story from the British Prime Minister: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cumbria-13702876 .

The remarkable thing about her blog is that she is not asking for donations or money; she wants ALL people to register to become bone marrow donors. What an amazing goal for a young girl, and one the Prime Minister endorses.

We can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to challenges. Our responses to those obstacles are an important part of who we are. We have an ideal opportunity to share our experiences through an Ethical Will, or love letter to our families, http://onestoryatatime.blogspot.com/2011/02/ethical-wills-love-letters-to-your.html . One of my goals is to encourage everyone to write a simple Ethical Will at whatever stage of life they are in.

Working with high school groups, I showed them how easy the process is to create an Ethical Will. Ideally, it can be updated every five years or so, or before or after milestone events. The great thing about starting an Ethical Will at an early age is being able to look back on how someone's personal values have changed over the years.

The other benefit at any age is having a heartfelt message to share with family and friends. In addition, it is a wonderful way to open the door to communication, preferably while the author is still alive. If we let others know just how much they mean to us now, consider how much closer we can become. That's what life is all about.

Have you created a Bucket List or started your own Ethical Will? I'd love to hear about your experiences.

Alice Pyne's Bucket List

2011-06-08T19:37:00.001-05:00

People tend to think they'll live forever, even though logically they know it's not true. But what if you knew your time on earth was coming to an end? Would you attack your Bucket List with a vengeance, just cry and feel sorry for yourself, or make the most of your last days?

Being the skeptic I am, I wanted to check the validity of her story before sharing it with others. Here is a link to her story from the British Prime Minister.

We can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to challenges. Our responses to those obstacles are an important part of who we are. We have an ideal opportunity to share our experiences through an Ethical Will, or love letter to our families. One of my goals is to encourage everyone to write a simple Ethical Will at whatever stage of life they are in.

Have you created a Bucket List or started your own Ethical Will? I'd love to hear about your experiences.

Bucket List for Your Family

2011-04-27T10:51:00.006-05:00

This post first appears today as my guest post on Simple Marriage.net.

You’ve probably seen or heard about the recent Rob Reiner movie called The Bucket List with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. In case you haven’t, take a moment to check out its trailer on You Tube here.

The premise of the movie is that two older gentlemen each have terminal cancer. While in the hospital, Morgan Freeman’s character recalled a class assignment from a college professor to make a list of all the things they wanted to do in their lives before they died, i.e., kick the bucket.

Jack Nicholson’s character, a wealthy but irascible old man, was intrigued by the list Morgan started. They decided to take off together on the vacation of a lifetime to drive racecars, go skydiving, and see all the things in the world they had missed. Of course, by the end of the movie, they each acknowledged the importance of family over everything else.

Since seeing the movie when it first came out, I think of that list each time I lose a friend or family member. Did they accomplish their goals? I’m reminded of how important it is to make the most of every single day. We never know how much time we will have on earth. So how do we keep our lives in perspective?

Create a Bucket List for yourself or your family. It can help you prioritize all your hopes, dreams, and plans for the future. You can also include some of the lovely inspirational messages, such as: Stop to smell the roses; Don't count your days, make your days count; Miracles happen to those who believe in them; Never settle for anything less than your best; Count your blessings, not your troubles; Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

Start making your Bucket List today—you don’t need to wait until you are dying. You can easily include both long-term and short-term goals. You’ll discover things to do with your individual family, your larger family entity, your spouse, and even by yourself. Discussing your list with your family and friends allows everyone to not only participate in the planning aspects, but also to share in the satisfaction of their accomplishment.

Think about what experiences you want to share with your family. If you’ve always dreamed of taking them to Alaska, the Grand Canyon, or Disney World, put it on your list. When goals are written down, they are much more likely to happen than if they remain a nebulous idea. Too often, people talk about wanting to do something “one of these days”, but by not setting specific goals, those dreams just fade away.

Travel adventures are a wonderful way to keep your family connected at any age, but they don’t need to become elaborate affairs. A night camping out in the backyard with a pup tent and roasting marshmallows over an open fire can create vivid memories for young children that will last a lifetime. Spending an hour in the backyard watching the stars with a loved one is another delightful way to end a day.

When you write your Bucket List, sprinkle in a variety of goals that can be more easily achieved, such as a walk in the woods, a trip to the zoo, flying a kite, taking a family bike trip, building a birdhouse together, or reading a favorite book. Doing so will establish family traditions that can be repeated many times and built upon each year.

As a Personal Historian, I encourage you to preserve all your precious memories in some way. Talking about them is always great, but you can keep them more permanently by recording them in crayon drawings, in photographs, on an audio recorder or a camcorder, in a scrapbook, or in a lovely memory box with souvenirs of your activities.

Another idea to add to your Bucket List is to write your Ethical Will and update it on a regular basis, say every five years, or after milestone events. An ethical will is a love letter or non-legal legacy to your family, where you share your personal values, your heritage and family stories, the life lessons you’ve learned, advice to share, and your hopes for the future.

Regardless of how elaborate your Bucket List becomes, make the most of every day. Someday, when you may know your days are numbered, you don’t want to say you wish you had done something. Do it now, before it’s too late.

Do you have a Bucket List? If so, what types of items does it contain? I’d love to hear about your experiences.

Heaven Is For Real

2011-04-20T22:58:00.003-05:00

This news article from Denver Channel 2 news from Feb 10 is Amazing! It has also been on other stations and programs. The nice thing is this link has a transcription as well as audio & video.

Heaven Is for Real is a great book about a young boy's near-death experience and how his Dad helped spread his story.

http://www.kwgn.com/news/kdvr-after-neardeath-experience-boy-writes-book-heaven-is-real-20110210,0,4074308.story
www.kwgn.com
IMPERIAL, Neb. -- It sounds like a story dreamed up by a little boy, but to understand what Colton Burpo says, you have to hear what he says happened to him. ..

Finally - Spring Is Sprung!

2011-04-18T10:24:00.005-05:00

Since Spring in the Midwest is so-o-o slow coming this year, I dug out a previous Ode to Spring post to help it along.

Spring is sprung
The grass is riz
I wonder where
The flowers is!
(Anon.)

When I was a kid, Spring was my least favorite season. I loved Fall, followed in order of preference by Summer, Winter and finally Spring. In the Midwest, Spring was usually wet, rainy and muddy, which meant outdoor adventures were too often thwarted.

But a strange thing has happened. Now that I’ve gotten older, Spring has become my season of choice. Unfortunately, it seems to last for such a very short time in Illinois, followed suddenly by hot, humid weather. In fact, there is a saying that goes “Spring is the loveliest day of the year here.” Ha! I could almost be happy with spring-like weather most of the year, except for the fact that I do enjoy the change of seasons.

Photo by Amber Domke

Our winter seemed especially harsh and drawn out this year, so when it finally started to warm up, we reveled in the changes. Here are just three of the Spring Things we’ve been enjoying.

• FLOWERS – A Rose by Any Other Name . . .
I love to see the Spring flowers, such as daffodils, crocuses and tulips, but I never seem to get around to planting them in the Fall like I should. Maybe the problem is deciding which ones to buy and when/where to plant them.

One year when we lived in Wisconsin, Mom gave me a large package of tulip bulbs for my birthday in November. Now you’d think that would be the perfect time to plant, right? Well, it turned bitterly cold early that year, but I still wanted to get them into the ground. I dragged my 10-year-old son outside and we picked a spot on the south side of the house for planting.
Unfortunately, the ground had turned rock-hard as the temperature plummeted. No way could we break through the frozen crust with our shovels, so we finally brought out a pickaxe!

After working up a sweat taking turns with the big axe, we eventually had a shallow hole about the size of a dinner platter. My plan had been to plant a row all along the back of the house, but that was obviously not going to happen. As the wind picked up and it started to sleet, I made an Executive decision: we carefully positioned all the bulbs into the hole and covered them with frozen chunks of dirt as best we could.

Winter that year turned out to be one for the record books, with unusual cold and snow. When Spring poked its head out at last, we were amazed to see that the new tulips had not only survived, they had thrived! We had the most beautiful flower display imaginable. In fact, it looked like we had planned it that way all along.

If I had to pick just one favorite spring flower, I wouldn’t have to think about it for long. For me, the sunny little dandelions are the true harbinger of Spring. When I see that these resolute little wonders have returned to brighten up our world, I am thrilled. Now, if I could only convince my hubby that he doesn’t need to attack them like Attila the Hun!

• BIRDS – Our Fine Feathered Friends
We have a couple of Maple trees in our yard and were lucky enough to watch a yellow-bellied sapsucker again this year. (Yes, that really is its name. And you probably thought that was just an insulting phrase used in old Westerns on TV, right?)

Photo by Beth LaMie

The Sapsucker migrates North each year and spends up to a week in our part of the country. The picture above shows a replica of the bird and the horizontal holes they drill in the trunk of our favorite bird-watching tree. It was a real treat to sit outside and watch them get the sap running, then lap it up along with insects. We were surprised to see that squirrels also appreciated the fresh sap.

We also get a nice grouping of other birds, such as woodpeckers, cardinals, blue jays, finches and, of course, robins. Sometimes they visit our birdfeeders in harmony, while at other times they squabble and fight until the aggressor has chased the smaller birds away. Squirrels join the mix and delight us by hanging upside-down from the suet feeder, then pull themselves up to grab more tidbits from the wire cage. After all that work, they must develop some awesome abs. LOL

• TREES – Our Friends in the Forest
We had a few days of unseasonably warm weather, followed by much cooler days. The result was that many of the trees stated to show their buds but they didn’t mature fully for quite some time. As a result, we had a much more gradual display of Mother Nature that seemed to occur in slow motion. From one day to the next, we could actually see the slow but sure leafing out of the trees.

One of the benefits of such an unusual awakening is that we could more fully appreciate just a few varieties of trees at a time, instead of everything blossoming in a rush. One day might have a beautiful Magnolia tree in full bloom, while another was the purple plum and finally the apple trees. The steady progression of come into bud and bloom was especially enjoyable when it could be savored over many days.

So here’s the challenge:
What have you seen or experienced this Spring? Have you taken time to smell the roses, or at least dally with the dandelions? If not, it’s still not too late. Take a few minutes each day to renew your energy and your Joie de Vivre – that’s the Joy of Living and something that every one of us can enjoy.

Viva La Spring!

Loss of a Special Lady

2011-03-27T23:50:00.002-05:00

Just one week ago, we lost a very special lady—my Aunt Sis. She was a wonderful wife, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, and neighbor. Fortunately for me, she was also my Godmother and friend.

What made her special was the knack she had for making everyone feel welcome. Friends and family members each got a big hug upon walking into her home, usually followed by an offer to have a cup of coffee, a slice of cake, or at least a piece of chocolate candy that happened to be on a nearby side table.

One of the ways Aunt Sis made me feel special started around the time I turned eight. The wrapping on the birthday present she gave me was unusual: she fashioned a beautiful lacy handkerchief into a flower and tied it with ribbon. I was surprised by her special touch and asked her why she did that.

She replied, “A lady always needs to carry a pretty hanky.”

That hanky was the beginning of a lovely tradition that lasted for many years. I looked forward to discovering her little extra almost as much as the present itself. I saved all those handkerchiefs in my top dresser drawer, to be used only for church on Sunday and special occasions.

My aunt had a knack for growing flowers: Christmas cactus, Amaryllis, violets, and spider plants all thrived under her care. One year, she gave me a spider plant as a housewarming gift; she had raised it on her back porch. I knew the perfect spot for it—atop the laminated beam that ran above the living room of the beautiful log home my husband had just finished building. Each day, when I passed under that beam and saw all the baby spiders hanging gracefully, I thought about her.

When I was a kid, our whole family played a card game called Euchre. Grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins all gathered in friendly competition. I loved to hear Aunt Sis hoot with laughter when she ‘set’ the opposing team, as well as when her team won a crucial point. Years later, my young son and I often played with her and my mom, including a few games of cribbage for variety.

In her later years, Aunt Sis reached a point where she needed more care than she could get at home. She eventually moved into a nursing home. Something remarkable happened there when I visited her on her 93rd birthday.

When I walked into the facility, she thought I was my mother, her younger sister. As we talked, she kept looking at the clock, until I finally asked if she needed to be somewhere. Her reply surprised me.

“Oh, yes, I need to get ready for my date with Mose.”

Mose had been her husband for over 50 years, and he had passed away some 25 years before.

“Where are you two going?” I asked, curious about her state of mind, obviously dwelling in the distant past.

“We’re going to the wedding dance in Papineau.”

When I asked how they met, this is the story she told me.

“Well, I was standing there talking to Louella. You know her, the one with the bleached blonde hair.” I just nodded in agreement and let her continue.

“While we were talking, Louella kept making eyes at a handsome young man, Mose. She watched him coming toward us and thought he was going to ask her to dance. But he came right up,” she said, pointing to her chest swelled with pride, “and asked me to dance instead of Luella.” Her hand gestures and body motions were priceless. When she said “instead of Luella,” she wiggled her shoulders with a shrug and a satisfied nod of her head, just like a thirteen-year-old girl might do.

For another ten minutes, we carried on a conversation time-trapped somewhere in the 1930’s, where her mind temporarily dwelled. All of a sudden, her demeanor changed significantly, and she was confused about where she was . . . and when. I knew she was having a senior moment, but I enjoyed experiencing those few minutes sharing the past with her.

When I heard Aunt Sis passed away last week, I had a personal mission to find two identical white handkerchiefs with lace trim. The first one, I kept as a lovely reminder of her. The second one, I tucked into her sleeve at the funeral home. I knew she was a real lady, so she needed a nice handkerchief for her trip to Heaven.

Farewell to a lovely lady. She will be sorely missed.

Ethical Wills - Love Letters to Your Family

2011-02-22T11:48:00.005-06:00

This article appeared on www.simplemarriage.net on 02/22/2011
An Ethical Will is a simple way to share what is important to you with your family and friends. In fact, it can be a legacy of love and a spiritual gift for your loved ones to remember you by. Many people think about writing an Ethical Will when they are nearing the end of their life. In reality, such wills should ideally be an ongoing practice.

Think about what you wish you knew about your parents, grandparents, and other ancestors. For example, why did they uproot their lives to emigrate from one country to another, such as the original Pilgrims; or from one area of a country to another, such as the pioneers who endured hardships to settle the West in the United States? What personal experiences had the greatest impact on their lives? Those are the types of things about yourself that you can share with your own descendants and friends.

If you knew ahead of time when your life was going to end, what words of wisdom and comfort would you want to leave for your family?

You may have a Last Will and Testament for the legal allocation of your accumulated possessions, as well as a Living Will with instructions for handling medical concerns, but an Ethical Will gives your family a better understanding of who you are, what is important to you, and what you hope to pass on to them.

Consider starting an Ethical Will as soon as possible, regardless of your age.

Update it regularly after, or in preparation for, major milestones, such as graduations, marriage and divorce, births and deaths, personal achievements and disasters. Reviewing each version can show how much you have changed and grown over the years.

One of the most rewarding writing workshops I’ve done was for a group of high school seniors at an inner city school in Dublin, Ireland.

When we talked about Personal Values, they readily opened up about what was important to them, how they had learned them, and from whom. Some students were normally quite reticent about sharing their thoughts or participating in classroom discussions; fortunately, this topic struck a chord with them and helped them open up.

There are no hard and fast rules for the content of an Ethical Will, but usually they consist of some or all of the following elements:

1.Greetings
2.Your History – Past & Present
3.Personal Values
4.Lessons from Life Experiences
5.Hopes for the Future
6.Final Thoughts

The specific format of your Ethical Will is insignificant compared to the priceless legacy you leave. Whether you choose to write it or record it electronically, you have several options.

1.The oldest method, used for some 3500 years by the Jewish community, is to write it on paper; now it is easy to enter it into one of many word processors on a computer.
2.Other options are to create an audio recording, perhaps reading one’s own Ethical Will aloud, or using a camcorder to capture not only the person’s voice, but their image as well.
3.Artistic people may prefer to take a less traditional path to create an expression of who they are. They may enjoy painting, weaving, writing poetry, scrapbooking, photography, or a vast variety of other media.

Long-term storage is important to consider, regardless of the recording method used. For example:

1.Electronic data storage is continually evolving. Media used years ago, such as floppy disks or 8-track tapes, have not only deteriorated, they cannot easily be heard now due to the rarity of equipment. Here is an interesting website that lists all the retro medias that have become obsolete, courtesy of the University At Buffalo Libraries.
2.Photographs and papers can last over 100 years, depending on storage. Hard drives last 5-8 years at best. If you write or print your Ethical Will, make certain you use archival paper; in addition, store it in a safe place away from heat, light, and humidity.
3.Keep a copy of your Ethical Will at home as a personal reminder of who you are and what you have accomplished. It can be uplifting on those days when you need a little lift.

When to share your Ethical Will with your family and friends is another consideration.

1.Ideally, the sooner an Ethical Will is shared with loved ones, the better. Doing so can be an excellent opportunity to grow closer to the people who matter most. It can also establish a line of communication that might otherwise not be possible.
2.Many people prefer to save their Ethical Will until after they have passed away. They may choose to have it read at their wake, funeral, or memorial service. In this case, it is especially important that the Ethical Will be given to a specific person who is charged with its dissemination at a designated time.
3.Review your Ethical Will regularly, such as every five years. Think of it as a work in progress, rather than a one-time occurrence. It is interesting to see how your values and advice for others may have changed over the years.

There are many excellent sources for more details about writing your Ethical Will, including the Association of Personal Historians (APH) and Barry Baines, M.D.

In addition, we will discuss in a future column how to get started on your own Ethical Will.

Have you considered writing an Ethical Will? If so, what are your thoughts and concerns about them? We love to get you input and feedback!

(photo source: www.flickr.com/photos/spaceamoeba/)

ETHICAL WILL RETREAT

2011-02-02T11:06:00.003-06:00

Have you left a legacy for your family? An Ethical Will is a love letter to the family that passes on personal stories, values, beliefs, blessings and advice from one generation to another. The perfect time to write one is before or after any milestone events, such as a birth, adoption, marriage, achievement, or part of estate planning as we mature.

Join us for a retreat at The Center in Palos Park, IL. (See details below, from p.7 of their newsletter.)

It's from 5 PM Friday night to 5 PM Saturday, Feb 18 and 19th. With our guidance and direction, the retreat participants will write their Ethical Will and leave with a beautiful archival document they will love.

I'm excited about presenting this retreat with Eileen Kerlin Walsh. It falls in very nicely with workshops I've done on Personal Values, which is one important part of an Ethical Will. As an additional incentive, I'll offer a free copy of my book, Granny's Guide to Fun & Fabulous Family Stories, for those of you who join us for the retreat. Just send me an email message (beth@bethlamie.com) after you register at www.thecenterpalos.org and I'll bring your copy with me.

Feel free to forward this message to any friends and contact me with any questions or suggestions. Your ongoing support is greatly appreciated.

PERSONAL GROWTH RETREAT:
Writing a legacy of your values

Friday, Feb. 18, 5 p.m. – Saturday, Feb. 19, 5 p.m.

Retreat leaders: Eileen Kerlin Walsh, Beth LaMie and Lois Lauer

You are invited to reflect upon your life's journey, and write your own personal Ethical Will, which is "a personal legacy that transmits your non-material assets, your values, your story, the lessons life has taught you, the information that is too valuable to risk being lost." Using this wonderful description by author Susan Turnbull, Eileen and Beth will help you to write meaningful ethical wills--to your children, to yourself, perhaps to the world.

The weekend will include time for reflection and writing, time for inspiring guidance, time for walks in the woods, and of course, time for fellowship, fun, and relaxa-tion. Eileen Kerlin Walsh is a personal growth seminar leader, inspirational speaker, and practicing estate lawyer. Beth LaMie is an international speaker, author, and personal historian. Cost per participant is $116 which includes leadership, accommodations, meals, and all major supplies. Early registration is advised!

The Center
The Chicago Southwest Suburban Community Parish and Community Center Foundation
12700 Southwest Highway, Palos Park, IL 60464
708-361-3650
http://www.thecenterpalos.org
email: centerpalospark@sbcglobal.net

Barely Bear-able

2011-01-06T21:40:00.004-06:00

During the summer before my Junior year in high school, I had some rather exciting adventures. My favorite uncle and aunt decided to take a vacation to Ely, Minnesota. When they went fishing, their three children were too young to stay by themselves, so Uncle T asked me to go along to babysit.

At fifteen years old, I was thrilled to be going on vacation without my family. It was the perfect arrangement for all of us. The grownups could fish all day, my cousins could safely swim and have fun, while I got to work on my summer tan. I don’t recall if I earned any money, but that was the least of my concerns.

We stayed at a family-oriented fishing resort with a dozen or so simple cabins arranged along the lake shore. In addition to a playground with a swing set and sandbox, there was a lovely sand beach. Keep in mind that until that time, I’d never seen a real beach before, so that was a special new experience.

The very first day we went swimming in the lake, I learned a critical lesson: always check each other for leeches when getting out of the water! Never having heard of them before, I was appalled to see the slimy little black creatures clinging to our legs and ankles. Hearing them called blood-suckers certainly didn’t make me feel any more kindly toward them, either. Fortunately, they were easy to pull off and toss back into the water.

Many years later, I finally learned to appreciate using leeches as bait when fishing for walleyes. I found it pretty easy to stick the barb of the fishhook right through the sucker, which allows the leech to undulate in the water. Of course, each time we start fishing for the day, I always seem to lose the first leech. No, I don’t lose it to a fish. When the leech twists around and starts sucking on my thumb, I get disgusted and toss it overboard. After that, I’m good baiting my hook for the rest of the day.

One other little adventure on that trip earned me a scolding when I got home. It seems that every night, we heard bears rummaging in the trash cans behind the cabins. The cans were covered with tight-fitting lids, but they were no match for a big black bear knocking them over and pouncing on them.

Uncle T and Aunt J left right after lunch to go fishing and the young boys had arranged to play for the afternoon with some kids in the next cabin. Cousin V was just a few years younger than me and came along to the local garbage dump to look for bears. We thought it was a keen idea to get a picture up close and personal, not realizing the potential danger.

Walking very quietly along the road to the dump, we rounded a curve and suddenly saw a black bear picking through the choice garbage. V stayed back near the road, while I carefully inched my way closer to the critter that was chomping away. From just ten feet away, I could hear the bear snapping and crunching through bones with her powerful jaws. I quickly took a couple of photos and silently walked backwards to the road.

Whew! My heart was pounding like a jackhammer, but the bear just snuffled a bit and moved farther toward the back of the dump. Only later did we find out the female had a pair of cubs that could have been nearby. Once back home, I got the pictures developed and, in my enthusiasm, made the mistake of showing them to my parents. They let me know in no uncertain terms that I would never be that foolish again.

In retrospect, I learned a lot from that summer, but especially, I knew that I was actually growing up. And with growing up, I had to face the responsibilities that went along with it.

The Stress of the Strapless Gown

2010-12-30T11:03:00.003-06:00

A date for the Senior Prom – how utterly exciting! And especially unheard of, since I was only a lowly high school sophomore in 1963. It was a totally unexpected surprise because I had not started dating yet and had no prospects for a “boyfriend.”

At the end of the school day, all the kids hurried out of the school to their respective yellow buses. Back then, driving a car to school was a rare exception that required a written note from home and a special pass from the Principal, so virtually everyone rode the buses. I was a bit surprised when a boy named Denny paused by my seat and asked, “Is this seat taken?” My natural inclination was to reply with a smart-aleck “Does it look like it’s taken?” but fortunately I replied with a graciously mumbled “Gosh, no.”

So Denny sat down next to me. Being from a small town and attending the same church, we knew each other, of course, but I sensed that this trip was going to be a little out of the ordinary. It was unusual to think of a boy as anything other than a friend, so the concept of “boyfriend” had not been established in my personal vocabulary. My older sisters each had boyfriends, but no one in my circle of friends did.

We had an uninspired conversation about the weather and school events, followed by an awkwardly lengthy silence. I was unaccustomed to talking to boys as boys. As we approached the end of our ride, Denny suddenly blurted out “Wanna go to the Prom with me?” Trying to not take anything for granted, I quickly looked behind me, just to make sure that he wasn’t talking to someone else. Since there was no one else around, I naively replied “Who, me? Well, um, okay, I guess.” As he got up to get off the bus, he let out a sigh of relief and said “Okay. Good.” Such snappy repartee (or lack thereof) underscored our mutual inexperience and discomfort with the opposite sex.

As soon as the bus pulled up to stop at our farm house, I rushed out to find my mother and tell her the exciting news. “Hey, Mom, guess what? Somebody asked me to go to the Senior Prom!” I hollered excitedly. The Prom was only a week away, so we had to figure out in a hurry what to wear.

Mom grew up during the Depression, so she had become very resourceful and thrifty. Hand-me-down clothes were a fact of life in our family of seven children. However, a special occasion would merit something decidedly out of the ordinary. We generally had two options for clothes when money was tight: either sew something new from scratch or alter an existing piece. In the interest of time, we needed to do the latter.

One of my older sisters had been in a cousin’s wedding a few years before. She wore a long yellow gown of chiffon, satin and netting. It had already been remade several times for each of their Proms. By the third reincarnation (this time for me), it became a fashionable strapless vision of loveliness.

At the tender age of fifteen, I had not “blossomed” nearly as much as my well-endowed sisters. How on earth could I wear (and keep up) a strapless gown? Mom took me to one of the nicest dress shops in town, one that we typically did not frequent. She explained the situation to a snooty clerk that I needed to find a strapless bra that was small enough to fit my almost nonexistent bosom. The clerk practically snickered when I timidly stated my size as 30 AA, then she replied, “If she is old enough to go to Prom, then she is old enough to wear a real brassiere.” The smallest strapless bra they had was a 34 B (which of course was much too big), but we splurged and bought it anyway.

Now we had a real dilemma figuring out how to make the dress stay up properly. The answer was to sew the bodice of the dress directly to the strapless “long-line bra” with stiff stays on each side. I felt and probably looked like a real-live “Barbie Doll” with a small waist and hips, topped by a disproportionately larger-than-life-size bosom. I practiced walking and sitting gracefully in my stiff corset, but unfortunately I didn’t do it long enough.

By the time Denny arrived in his Sunday suit and necktie to pick me up, my younger brothers had teased me mercilessly. They undoubtedly were curious about my sudden transformation from tomboy to WOMAN, complete with the requisite enhanced bosom. Off I went to my very first Prom in my very first long gown on my very first date, feeling oh so grown up and sophisticated. In retrospect, I undoubtedly looked quite young and naïve, rather than mature and worldly.

The evening went quite well until we had been dancing for a while. The high school gymnasium had been transformed into a fairy wonderland with the aid of crepe paper streamers, tinsel and reflective balls. Music was supplied by a real, live band as opposed to the typical 45 RPM records. The band started out playing sedate, soothing waltzes for the first few numbers until more and more requests were made for a “fast” song to liven things up.

The 1960’s was the era of “outrageous” dances, such as the Twist, the Watusi and the Mashed Potato, but they were a staple at any social gathering. My date and I joined the festivities out on the dance floor, jumping and jiving to the pulsing beat of the music. Each dance number became progressively more and more frenetic and it was a relief when the band finally announced they were taking a break.

Returning to the sidelines, I looked down to discover that in the course of twisting and turning, my dress and bra were now positioned a full ninety degrees off center, with one breast behind my armpit.

“Oh, no!” I exclaimed softly. All of a sudden, I looked all too much like a Barbie Doll who had been contorted into an impossible position.

My only recourse was to take immediate action. As discretely as possible, I quickly grabbed the top of my dress with the bra attached and twisted it more or less back into place. It was lucky for me that I had inherited Mom’s pragmatic side and just dealt with the situation, instead of becoming mortified with embarrassment.

Fortunately, Denny didn’t seem to notice. Regardless, that first date turned out to be a real classic “three-in-one” event. It was the first, last and only date I ever had with that particular young man. And the only time in my life I ever dared to wear a strapless dress. No more Barbie disasters for me!

Growing in Confidence

2010-12-17T17:15:00.001-06:00

Around 8th grade, I started to blossom. No, not physically, although the girls in gym class teased me so much that Mom finally bought me a real bra. In reality, my white t-shirts had probably done just as good of a job.

Where I did blossom was in developing confidence in myself. In school, I got into public speaking and participated in speech contests across the county. That’s when I discovered that being a bit of a ham was both fun for me and entertaining for others. My first entry was the story Yertle the Turtle by Dr. Seuss. To this day, I can still recite most of it from memory, which is really only appreciated by my 5- and 6-year-old grandkids. Unfortunately, they are probably even outgrowing it as well. I guess it’s time to upgrade to Horton Hears a Who, huh?

During the previous year, my two oldest sisters both got married and moved out of the house. That caused a distinct shift in our family dynamics. For one thing, Mom delegated more of the cooking to me, especially fixing dinner and making cookies. Having a large family, my endeavors were always greatly appreciated, which of course made me more self-assured.

There was only one time that a batch of cookies was not completely devoured. As it happened, I was the one (unfortunately) who made them.

I was making gingersnaps, which are made with molasses, formed into a ball and then rolled into sugar before they are baked. The delicious aroma of the baking cookies spread throughout the house and brought several eager young taste testers on the run.

It wasn't until we sampled the warm, freshly baked cookies that we realized something was terribly wrong with them. They were horrible!

Apparently, Mom had been cleaning out the kitchen cupboard that day. In order to wash the salt shaker, she had poured the remaining salt into a bowl.

While she happened to be out of the room, I spied the bowl of salt on the countertop and assumed she had left it for my cookies. I promptly set about rolling the cookies toward their doom.

As I said, that was the only cookie failure I can recall that someone would not eat, sooner or later. In this case, not even the family dog ate them.

Around this same time, my 4-H sewing projects grew more complex. Before long, I was making almost all my own clothes. I’m so grateful my mother taught me how to sew well, in spite of having to patiently rip out seams that were not done quite right. As I went to show Mom my latest completion, I held my breath, hoping she would not say once again, “Do it over.” As frustrating as that was, I knew by the time I finished the garment that I’d have something to be proud of. And so was she.

With my mother as my biggest fan and strongest supporter, I quietly learned that I could do anything I set my mind to. Even though no one in my family had ever gone to college, I always seemed to know that I would go. The choice of direction could be anywhere. For me, that opened up a world of possibilities. Seemingly overnight, I realized that the amazing things I constantly read about in books were (and are now) within my grasp. What an awesome legacy for her to leave me!

Food from the Farm

2010-12-10T22:14:00.002-06:00

As I've mentioned before, many of my early memories are associated with food. In retrospect, it seems that was especially the case once we moved to the farm.

Before starting sixth grade, our family moved to a 50-acre farm about 10 miles south of Kankakee near the small town of Chebanse. The name is from the Iroquois Indians for Little Duck. My folks thought a farm was the perfect place to raise our growing family of seven kids. Most of that first year on the farm was spent making improvements to the house and farm buildings.

The next spring, we really got into life on the farm. In addition to a cow for milk and cream, we raised some chickens, pigs, sheep and a horse or two. A De Laval cream separator simplified the process of separating the cream from the milk; when some of the extra cream soured, we hand churned our own butter, using an old square glass churn that had wooden paddles and a crank handle. Before long, we decided the electric Mixmaster worked much better.

Living on the farm, we had the freshest possible fruits and vegetables to savor. I remember what a treat it was to be out in the garden on a beautiful summer day, pick a ripe juicy tomato, wipe off a little dirt and enjoy it while it was still warm from the sun. A favorite for dinner was a salad Mom made with thick slices of tomatoes, cucumbers and onions sliced into rings. It was all blended with a simple and delicious dressing made from Miracle Whip, sweet pickle juice, salt and pepper. The huge bowl was almost always scraped clean during the meal.

We always had several rows of sweet corn growing at the edge of the crop field. In anticipation of our family’s hearty appetites, Mom cooked two dozen huge ears of corn in her largest pot. It is impossible to describe the intense flavor of sweet corn that is gently simmered mere minutes after it was picked from the field. Add some real butter to that fresh corn and you have a meal fit for a king. Although we canned and froze sweet corn to enjoy later in the year, it was never as scrumptious as that fresh-picked corn during the summer.

We had our own strawberry patch that was prolific in early summer. In addition to strawberry shortcake with real cream, my favorite was a delicious but rather unusual concoction for breakfast. It consisted of a thick slice of fresh homemade bread, covered with sweet cream the consistency of warm butter, then covered with fresh strawberries and sprinkled with powdered sugar. It was truly decadent, but delicious.

Each summer my next older sister and I prepared food to compete at the 4-H county fair, which required practicing a particular recipe until we got it just right. One year I gave a demonstration on how to make gingerbread. Fortunately, I did quite well in the competition and moved up to higher levels. Unfortunately, for each exhibition I had to show three stages of gingerbread: how to mix the ingredients, how to start decorating and finally how the finished product looked. That meant that each demonstration required making three large pans of gingerbread. Although my family had previously been quite fond of fresh gingerbread, by the end of that summer the general consensus was that I should not make any more for a very long, long time.

Thanksgiving Fun – 6 Ways to Stimulate Family Stories at Holiday Gatherings

2010-11-23T00:19:00.002-06:00

November is National Family Stories Month. Together with Thanksgiving, it is the perfect time to reminisce about our blessings and consider what and who we are thankful for. In addition to recalling our gratitude, it is heartwarming to share those thoughts with our loved ones. They need to know how much we appreciate them.

To encourage everyone to get into the act, take time to plan some fun activities for your next holiday gathering with friends and family. Whether you have a small group or a large one, everyone loves to hear a good story. From the youngest and to the oldest members of the assemblage can participate when you use simple memory prompts to get people thinking – and sharing.

The challenge is to capture all those great family stories before they are lost. One easy way to save them is by using a recorder, whether it is cassette tape, digital audio or video. If the recording device has a USB connector, you can easily transfer the information to a computer and/or create a CD or DVD to share with others. Best of all, have fun and really get to know each other!

As you make the final preparations for Thanksgiving over the next few days, think about ways to get people started talking about those precious family stories. WARNING: Consider the best time to start these exercises. If your family is like mine, right before you eat dinner is probably NOT the right time: the guests may not have the patience on empty stomachs to listen to everyone’s stories. A better time could be after the meal is finished, perhaps while you are letting your food “settle” before tackling the pumpkin pie and other delectable desserts.

Here are some simple story prompts to help people recall their memories in fun ways:

1. I am thankful for …
This is probably the most common Thanksgiving activity, as each person takes a turn to describe who or what they are thankful for. It is an easy icebreaker, but it may help to give an example or two to get people in the mood to participate. If someone can’t think of anything, offer to let them pass until later, or give them another question.

2. What I like best about Thanksgiving is …
Responses to this question may range from visiting with relatives from near or far away, from favorite foods to football games, from nature walks to afternoon naps, from yummy desserts to plentiful leftovers. Each person may relate to something unique to them.

3. I felt special when …
This memory prompt is a little more revealing than some of the others. If the speaker gives a short answer, ask for more details about the recollection. If they never felt special, remind them of a time when you thought they were special. You may surprise them with your own memories about them.

4. Draw from the hat
Here’s your chance to get really creative. Write a variety of questions onto small slips of paper and put them into a hat or bowl or basket. You can customize the questions to fit your own family or group of friends, mixing serious questions with silly ones. Be prepared to allow guests to switch the question if they are embarrassed or reluctant to answer. Remember that the purpose of the questions is to learn more about them while having fun with everyone.

5. Photo albums
Pull out your old family photo albums. Let each person find a picture of themselves and describe the occasion, including who, what, where, when and why. This is a great learning experience, especially for younger family members who may not know many of the old family stories.

6. Cherished heirlooms
Most families have some cherished heirlooms or stories that have been around for many years. Think about things like hand-made ornaments, sentimental trinkets, an old quilt, a child’s rocker, or anything else that makes you recall a loved one. Move one of your favorite items into the room, or take a photo of several of them if they are not on the premises. Ask your most knowledgeable guests to talk about the origin of the item, especially where it came from and why it is special to your family.

7. Thanksgiving Keepsake for Kids
Here is a simple activity to keep children occupied either before or after dinner. Kids as young as four can draw pictures; they can also talk about their own impressions about the big holiday gathering. This free template is available on my website, but you can easily make your own version to get all the children involved. The great thing is that they can create their own keepsake to help them remember time spent with their loved ones.

Tall, Taller, Tallest

2010-11-18T23:23:00.001-06:00

One of the things I remember most vividly about fifth grade was being the second-tallest kid in the class. Another girl was the taller, but I came in a close second at over five feet. Little did I know that would be the end of my surprising growth spurt.

For some reason, our class had to line up by height that year, with the shortest in the front and the tallest in the back. That really emphasized the fact that the boys in general were shorter than the girls. On the rare occasion that dance partners were paired up, none of the boys wanted to dance with the ‘freaks’ like my friend and me. So we danced with each other.

I was convinced that I would always be tall. The one boy I really liked was a full head shorter than I was and of course he liked a little girl who was sweet and tiny, not a tomboy like me. So I always said it didn’t bother me and I continued to be ‘one of the guys’ instead of a girlfriend. My one sympathetic concession was when I noticed that a boy was overly conscious of his lack of height. Then I usually sat down or slouched just so he wouldn’t be reminded of the difference.

Fast forward about seven years to preparation for high school graduation. Once again, we were told to line up according to height. Without any hesitation, I meandered on down to the end of the line where my guy buddies were lining up.

Surprisingly, they started laughing at me! I had a bit of a reputation for frequently clowning around and they all thought I was being funny. They didn’t know I was actually serious. It wasn’t until one of my friends on the basketball team came over to me, put his arm around my shoulders and said, “Pipsqueaks belong at the other end.” As I looked up and up and up at him, it suddenly became obvious to me that he indeed was considerably taller than me. How had I missed that?

Somehow, all through high school, I never noticed that the boys had started to shoot up, while I had barely grown any taller since fifth grade. Being buddies with all the guys at school, I never dated much. In fact, on my few dates, I was always too shy to sit or stand very close to the boys. Oh, I also still tended to slouch.

Remember my last blog about not having any depth perception? I always wondered if that was part of the problem, too, with my height perception. Anyway, by that time, considerably more than half the class had grown taller than me, including many of the girls.

At just over five feet two inches and a quarter tall, I didn’t want to be teased with “Five foot two, eyes of blue, etc.” So if anyone ever asked about how tall I was, I always said “five foot two and three quarters.” I don’t recall now exactly why I felt compelled to stretch the extra half inch. But even today, I’m tempted once in a while to still exaggerate it, just that tiny little bit.

Batting an Eye

2010-11-11T16:51:00.002-06:00

By fourth grade, I discovered I had no natural athletic ability. That was a shame, because I loved to watch my older sisters and the kids in the neighborhood play baseball. As much as I begged, pleaded and cajoled them, no one ever wanted me on their teams.

Okay, so I couldn’t hit the ball, catch or throw, but I could run like the wind – at least in my own mind. What no one realized at the time was that I had no depth perception. That quirk turned out to be due to something called amblyopia, or “lazy eye.” My right eye was dominant and I never “learned” how to judge how far away objects were.

Mom took me to the eye doctor’s office every year for new glasses that just kept getting stronger and stronger (think Coke-bottle glasses), but I still couldn’t see very well. Eventually, she took me to eye specialists all the way up in Chicago. Looking back, the amazing thing is that my gutsy mother had never driven in a big city before. She managed to overcome her own fears and take me for monthly office visits for several years.

On the very first visit to the specialist, they discovered the amblyopia, but also that I was near-sighted in one eye, far-sighted in the other and cross-eyed to boot. As a kid I called it “cross-sighted,” because it somehow sounded more poetic to say “near-sighted, far-sighted and cross-sighted.”

Correcting this eye condition is more successful at younger ages. At the grand old age of ten, I was past the threshold of where treatment would definitely help. But they tried. That first day, I had to start wearing an ugly black patch (like a pirate) over my good eye. The theory was to force the weaker eye to do all the work. My vision was so bad that at dinner that night when we had peas (which I loved), I couldn’t keep them on my fork to get to my mouth. Finally, in frustration, Mom let me use a spoon.

Eventually, I used a flesh-colored adhesive eye patch, which was slightly less noticeable, followed later by eye drops to blur my good eye. Over the next couple of years, my vision improved marginally, but not enough to do much good or last permanently.

So now, many years later, how is it? Well, I do drive the car, but when I hear a crash, I know I’ve gotten too close. (Just kidding!) Actually, I tend to over-compensate for the lack of depth perception and allow p-l-e-n-t-y of extra room for passing and parking. I just have to drive forward and backward more times than most people to get into a parallel parking space. Thank Goodness for diagonal parking.

After all these years, what stands out most about this experience while growing up? It has to be the gratitude I feel because my parents made the sacrifice to get me the best medical care they could find. Considering we had seven kids at home, that was no easy task. After all, both time and money were in short supply.

So what was the final impact on my fledgling baseball career? Well, they finally let me play, as long as I was the catcher. Ha! What a joke on me that turned out to be. It seemed like every year I ended up getting hit in the head with a baseball bat for standing too close to home plate. Sure, it might have broken my glasses, but at least I got to play!

Help your children save their memories with my FREE Thanksgiving Keepsake for Kids.

National Family Stories Month - Perfect Pear Picking

2010-11-05T15:53:00.004-05:00

November Is National Family Stories Month – What’s YOUR Story?

One of my fondest memories is about a beautiful Fall day at my grandparents’ farm in mid-November. The day was sunny, cool and crisp, with a definite nip in the air. Years previously, they had started an apple and pear tree orchard that was especially abundant that year.

My family made an annual trek out to the farm to help harvest the fruit, often with my cousins coming along. But whenever possible, I cherished the opportunity to spend time by myself out at the farm with Grandma and Grampa.

I grew up loving both apples and pears, but the grocery stores never seemed to carry my favorite pears, the kind that Grampa grew. They are best picked after a hard freeze, so that is how I remember the time of year. The fruit is green, a little lumpy and almost as hard as a rock – literally! Some of them are so huge that a little girl can barely wrap her hands around the circumference.

Naturally, as we picked the green pears, I HAD to try one (or two, or maybe even three), which almost certainly resulted in a tummy ache later that night. I worked diligently to gnaw off the peel until I got a small bite started, then savored the crunchy, gritty flesh inside. The texture always reminded me of fresh coconut right from its just-cracked hard shell.

As the pears ripened at home, their green color transformed to a lovely shade of yellow. At the same time, they gave off an intoxicating aroma that called to me by name, “Elizabeth, e-LIZ-abeth…” until I finally had to chomp down another one.

Regrettably, this variety of pears doesn’t keep well for very long. Once they turned yellow, they quickly over-ripened. It wasn’t long before we had to peel and cook up the rest of them for longer keeping. At that point, the pears were still okay to eat, but they no longer had that marvelous crunch and texture that I loved.

Ten years ago, I discovered that my husband’s aunt and uncle had a pear tree that was the same variety as Grampa’s. I begged and badgered them long enough that now every year they bring us a “care package” of pears that allow me to reminisce about my grandparents and their perfect pear trees. Oh, by the way, I still have to grab one right away and eat it while it is wonderfully hard and crunchy. Thank Goodness, I’ll never learn any better!

About thirty years ago, my parents, son Jason and I got carried away and picked seven full bushels of apples! Just so you can appreciate our culinary creativity, here is an excerpt from my book, Granny’s Guide to Fun & Fabulous Family Stories, that follows up on that apple-picking adventure:

With all that food stockpiled, we stuffed ourselves (as well as family, friends and neighbors) with all manner of scrumptious apple delicacies.

The delicious aroma of cinnamon and nutmeg filled our house almost every day, making our mouths water in anticipation. We had apple pie, apple crisp, apple cake, apple coffeecake and apple pudding. And still we had more apples.

We enjoyed fried apples, caramel apples, taffy apples, apple butter, apple salads, apple muffins and apple dumplings until the house seemed to have a perpetual aroma of cinnamon. And still we had more apples.

Jason took brightly polished red and yellow apples to school for his birthday treat and for his teacher, too. For Christmas, we even hung shiny red apples by ribbons onto our tree. And still we had more apples.

We had enough apples to last us all through that Fall and Winter and into Spring. By the time we had finally finished eating all those apples, I realized two things: 1) an apple a day really DOES keep the doctor away because we didn’t get sick all winter long and 2) I never EVER got tired of apples!

Help your children save their memories with my FREE Thanksgiving Keepsake for Kids.

Preaching to the Choir

2010-10-29T00:35:00.002-05:00

Mommy's Piggy Tales Week 4
Age 7, 2nd Grade

The whole first year of school, I sat in rapt attention listening to the dulcet tones of our school’s children’s choir. They sang at High Mass each Sunday, while I ate my heart out because I was too young to join. It wasn’t fair!

Imagine here that I am stomping my little feet (clad in Mary Jane shoes) in protest.

Although no one in my family had more than rudimentary skills with any musical instruments, we did enjoy singing. In fact, I remember from an early age how my sisters and I sang in two- and three-part harmonies. Perhaps we saw ourselves as the next Lennon Sisters from the old Lawrence Welk Show (1955 to 1968) – you know, Dianne, Peggy, Kathy & Janet. Personally, I identified most closely with Janet, who was less than a year older than me.

Having three older sisters participating in choir meant they often practiced singing at home, everything from pop songs to nursery rounds to hymnals. Sometimes they even let me sing along with them, but of course the Latin verses in some of the songs were much too difficult for me to learn. Regardless, I loved the experience and the closeness with my sisses.

On Sundays, our family arrived at Church early so the girls had plenty of time to get settled into the choir loft, which was in the front of the Church to the side of the main altar. A full set of risers elevated the choir so that everyone could “keep their eyes on” the choir director, who was a nun. An open divider, rather like a wrought iron trellis, separated the choral group from the rest of the congregation.

I recall one particular Sunday when I was again complaining about not being allowed to join the choir yet. After all, I knew the songs as well as they did; in fact, even better. Anyway, during Mass that day, my next-older sister made a point of walking nonchalantly along the trellis, looking directly at me and sticking her tongue! Naturally, I yelped out a “Mo-o-om,” in protest, but of course by then my adversary had moved on and I was shushed.

Again, I am stomping my little feet in frustration.

The big day finally arrived for me! Starting second grade, I was now old enough to join the children’s choir. It was a joyous experience for me. There was only thing that could have made it better: I dreamed of wearing a long, flowing robe like the ones I saw on television.

As it turned out, I never had the chance to wear any robes in all the different choral groups I belonged to. In fact, in college, I joined one chorus in part because of the gorgeous red robes they traditionally wore. My bad luck was that year they decided to break from tradition and go with street clothes instead.

You know what’s coming here: me stomping my little feet with no beautiful robe to flutter in the wind.

Over the years, our choir group became quite proficient with complex vocal arrangements, Latin pronunciations included. I loved the ethereal feeling of being part of a much higher calling, especially when I got to stand on the highest tier of the risers. We just had to be very careful not to topple off backwards. Fortunately, that only happened to me once, during the most sacred part of the Mass, naturally.

When it came time in the Mass for the Homily or sermon, half of the choir stepped down off the risers and quietly walked into the adjacent hallway to sit on the stair steps. It was drafty in the hall, so we all secretly prayed the priest would not be long-winded with his sermon that day.

I adored the choir leader and reveled in the knowledge that she combined our young voices to create such beautiful music. Even better, I recall the thrill of being recognized for having a good voice. I know, we were supposed to be modest about our talents, but sometimes you just have to savor that recognition.

Here is me, stomping my big feet and clapping my hands in appreciation of all the hard-working choir directors in our world. Kudos to all of them!

For ideas on how to start writing your own family stories, 1) sign up for my Newsletter at www.bethlamie.com and 2) check my website for upcoming free teleclasses held each month.

As a Personal Historian, my goal is to help people save their heritage before it is lost forever. What is your favorite story?

How Will Your Grandchildren Remember You?

2010-10-22T15:02:00.004-05:00

This is from a guest post I did on Simple Marriage. I hope you enjoy it.

How much do you remember about your ancestors, especially your grandparents? How much do you think your own grandchildren will remember about you?

I started thinking about this the other day, on the first anniversary of my mother-in-law’s death. She was a lovely lady, but there are many things I wish I had asked her about before she passed. Now the opportunity is gone. Because I don’t want people to lose all their memories of loved ones, I became a Personal Historian.

The most common excuses I hear from clients who haven’t saved any stories are
1) I don’t know how to start and
2) I don’t have anything to say.

So how do you get started saving your family stories?

1 – One Story at a Time

The hardest part of almost any project is getting started. My mom and I used to enjoy wallpapering rooms together. Whenever we had finished hanging the very first sheet of wallpaper, she always stepped back, took a close look and said, “There. Now we’re halfway done.” Naturally, we were nowhere near being halfway done. But we had done a great deal of prep work before getting even that far, so it really did feel like we had accomplished something significant. After that, the rest of the job was easy!

So how do you start writing your family stories? The easiest way is to scribble down a few sentences about something that you remember from an earlier time. It doesn’t have to be anything long and tedious. The important thing is to have fun and get something down on paper. No writer expects her first words to be the final version and neither should you. Take a few minutes to recall a memory and jot down a handful of details. Now you are “halfway done.”

2 - How do you eat an elephant?

Did you ever hear the riddle about how you eat an elephant? Simple. You eat it one bite at a time! Pretty much like you’d eat a slice of chocolate pie, right? Writing a story for a biography or an autobiography is the same way—you just start with one idea at a time. Don’t worry about how everything is going to fit together at the end. Take one small piece and build it up bite by bite.

By the same token, any journey begins with one small step. Take that step today and soon you will be on the road to gathering family stories about the important people in your life.

3 – Every Person Has a Story to Tell

Let me repeat that: Every person has a story to tell. To find it (whether it’s yours or someone else’s) all you have to do is ask the right questions. By writing down that story, you create a priceless gift.
• One gift you’ll be giving to current and future generations is a piece of your heritage, which is all your family stories, customs and traditions combined.
• Another gift is a piece of yourself by taking the time and making the effort to keep precious stories from being lost.
• A third gift is for yourself! Learning more about your friends and family gives you a chance to better know and appreciate who you are. That may be the most precious gift of all.

4 - Where Can You Find Inspiration?

One of my favorite movies is The Bucket List with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. Both men are terminally ill and pair up to complete a list of things they want to accomplish before they “kick the bucket,” hence the name of the movie. It is sweet, sad, poignant, and funny all at the same time. They go sky diving, see the Great Wall of China, and rediscover the importance of family.

There is a 2004 country music song by Tim McGraw that has a similar theme: it is called Live Like You Were Dying. In the song, when a man is given the fatal diagnosis that he has less than a year to live, he decides to make the most of it. Yes, he accomplishes many of the tasks on his own Bucket List, but more importantly, he also becomes a better husband, son, and friend.

It may seem somewhat morbid to think about our limited time on earth, but it is a fact of life. The question to consider is, “What can we do about it?”

We can do several things about it and in the process, we leave a legacy for our children, grandchildren, and loved ones so they have a good chance to know who we are and to remember who we were.

• Start saving and talking about family stories (both your own and those of people who matter to you) with your friends and family. You’ll be surprised how one story triggers other memories. When that happens, savor it.
• Help children get to really know their grandparents and other elders as real people, not just old people. One simple way to do that is to teach them a few old games, like checkers or hide the button.
• Start teaching kids while they are young about what is important to you. Who influenced you growing up? What were their Personal Values and what did you learn from them? This is your chance to be a role model for the next generations and have a positive influence on their lives.

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
Today is a gift,
That’s why they call it
the 'present'
- Eleanor Roosevelt

What will you do with the gift of today? What legacy will you leave for your loved ones?

First Grade Fears and Tears

2010-10-20T00:17:00.003-05:00

After World War II ended, Dad was no longer needed to build LST boats. Well-trained in his craft as a welder, he started working in the Maintenance Department at the new A. O. Smith factory about 40 miles away. I didn’t realize until many years later how forward-thinking the design engineers were.

In 1946, “The company constructed a 400,000 square foot residential water heater plant in Kankakee, Illinois. Life Magazine proclaimed it ‘the most modern water heater factory in the world.’”

About five years later, Smith’s had an open house for all the families, just so everyone could see the ultra-modern facility. OSHA would have had a conniption fit if they saw the plant tours that included me and other young children. We stood beside the huge noisy blast furnace that melted frit onto steel to make the patented glass-lined water heaters. Did that impress me at just four or five years of age? Of course not! I happened to be much more excited about the little bottles of orange drink than I was about the technology.

After my father made the round trip drive to and from work for several years, my parents decided to move our family closer to his work. So soon after the war, it was impossible to find the four-bedroom house they wanted for their growing brood. The solution was to order and assemble a structure from a precut lumber kit, rather like putting children’s building blocks together from a diagram. That was the summer of my sixth year.

The house was a 1½ story Cape Cod style with twin gables, two bedrooms upstairs, two bedrooms downstairs, and a full basement. Somewhere along the line, we had seen tightrope walkers on television. Being quite a tomboy at the time, I thought I could walk across the floor joists in one of the upper bedrooms.

Walking along the floor joists from one side of the room to the other turned out to be not only fun, it was easy, too! I just had to spread my arms wide to balance myself a little bit, especially at the turn against the far wall. When I hollered for my older sister to come watch me, she wanted to do it as well.

She started walking along the floor joists, getting more wobbly with each step. Yelling at her to keep her arms stretched out wide, I was horrified to watch her fall between the joists. Luckily, she caught herself with her arms straddling two joists. Unluckily, the workmen had just that day put the finishing coat of plaster onto the ceiling in the bedroom below.

When Mom, Dad, and everyone came running to see what our screaming was all about, there was my sister dangling from the ceiling below. More correctly, there were her legs dangling from the ceiling below. In a matter of minutes, two burly men raced upstairs and pulled my sister to safety. I don’t remember the details of the aftermath, but I never did that trick again.

When September came that year, school bells started ringing. I had never gone to preschool or kindergarten, so I didn’t really know much about what to expect. All I knew was that I had brand new black-and-white saddle shoes and a red plaid metal lunchbox with my name on it.

On the designated day, I dressed in my red plaid dress with a white pinafore attached. Hmmm, I see a pattern here! I never realized what a preference I’ve always had for red plaid! In fact, when I went to Scotland earlier this year to conduct writing workshops for schools, I was drawn immediately to the Royal Stewart plaid, which is (you guessed it) a red plaid!

Sadly, the shoes, dress and lunchbox were the best parts of that day. Mom held my hand as we walked into the huge classroom, filled with complete strangers. Since we had moved into the new house just shortly before the start of school, I didn’t know a single soul. Not only that, my teacher towered above me, with a crucifix hanging down right at my eye level. I’m not sure I had ever seen a nun before, certainly never one up so close.

Mom got me settled at a desk with my name on it, gently pried my hand from around her fingers and walked away! I started to cry, but she walked further away. I cried harder and she walked out the door. That wasn’t what mothers were supposed to do! I felt abandoned and just knew I would never find my way home again.

After such an inauspicious beginning, I quickly learned to love school. I loved getting new clothes, new shoes, new books, new subjects, and new teachers, even nuns. Most of all, I loved learning new things.

To this day, each Fall I welcome the opportunity to plan my own curriculum for the next year. Whether it’s learning Transcendental Meditation, writing a book, becoming a Personal Historian, or discovering www.mommyspiggytales.com, there is always something new to learn. Maybe continually learning something new is my way of feeling young, like when I was six years old.

A Family Makes a House a Home

2010-10-14T22:29:00.009-05:00

MPT#2: Preschool-Kindergarten Years

Although I was born on a farm in central Illinois, Dad didn’t farm there for long. The meager proceeds from rented farmland proved too minimal financially to support a growing family, with four young daughters under the age of six. Around that time, the US government needed skilled civilian workers to build LST (Landing Ship Tank) boats for WWII. When they offered a training program in welding, my father was among the first group of eager volunteers.

LST 325

Along with a new job came good pay and a steady income; my parents bought what seemed like a mansion in a tiny nearby town with a population of a few hundred people. That became the first home I remember.

The two-story house was yellow, with a huge white wrap-around porch on three sides, and a distinctive round turret in the southeast corner. There were two massive parlors (such a charming old-fashioned name for a room) in the front of the house, with gigantic wooden doors that magically slid apart to hide inside the walls. An attic occupied the topmost floor and served as our playground for make-believe on rainy days.

The kitchen was cozy and warm, with a built-in breakfast nook. It had a wooden table and benches on each side, with a scrolled design across the back. My designated seat was a red step-stool at the end, but I always tried to quickly scoot into the far corner and snuggle into a comfortable position. I felt so much more grown up there, rather than having to sit on the “baby chair.”

I loved to listen to fairy tales at that age. Looking out the turret window like Rapunzel, I dreamed of lowering my long braided hair to some knight in shining armor. On other days, my sisters and I sat out on the porch, making dozens of dolls from colorful hollyhocks. Just in case you never made dolls like that, we used toothpicks to hold two buds and a full flower for each doll; with more blooms, we made a beautiful layered skirt, rather like Chiquita Banana’s costume. Unfortunately, not many homes today grow hollyhocks, so this simple pastime is fading away.

Hollyhock doll

Continuing the fairy tale theme, my best friend lived a few blocks away in a big, white house surrounded by a huge black wrought-iron fence. Approaching the house, I always held tightly to my mother’s hand and looked for trolls and ogres around every corner. Apparently, I was listening to too many stories at that impressionable age. Many years later, I drove past that house and was completely surprised to discover that the fence I remembered as being monstrous was actually only about three feet tall.

Kitty-corner from our house was a landmark building that was eventually placed on the National Register of Historic Places: the beautiful St. Mary’s Catholic Church. It was also called the Cathedral of the Cornfields, or the Prairie Cathedral. It is amazingly elaborate, especially considering the size of the town in the middle of farm fields. The original builders must have done some serious sales and marketing to convince the community to erect such an impressive structure.

Cathedral of the Cornfields

One Sunday morning while we were all getting dressed for Mass at the Cathedral, we heard someone chuckling outside, followed by another and another until they were laughing out loud. Curious, Mom stepped outside and saw what was going on. My younger brother Pete was standing on the porch, smiling and waving at all the people on their way to church – bare-buck-naked! At just over a year old, he had developed an aversion to wearing clothes. Any chance he had, he was likely to tear everything off, then stand there and giggle.

Picture of Elizabeth at age 4

Even though we only lived in that house for a few years, it is the one that I think of as “home.” Perhaps it is because I have such vivid memories there, or because it was such a carefree time in my life, but I think that place will always be home to me.

What are your fondest memories of home? I’d love to hear about them.

Harvest Season

2010-10-08T16:15:00.005-05:00

Harvest at the Splear Farm 2010

The fall season has always been my favorite: kids returning to school, cheering for the home team at football games, “leaf peeping” as the trees miraculously transform from boring greens to glorious autumn colors, and watching the harvest progress from field to field, restoring the wide open spaces to the land I love.

Once the harvest is complete, we’ll be able to once again enjoy an unobstructed view from horizon to horizon, some ten miles or more in each direction. This is God’s Country and, for me, the best place on earth to live, in spite of all the dirt, grime and grunge involved in the harvest.

I was raised on a fifty-acre farm just outside a small town in central Illinois (the Prairie State). Dad worked long hours as a welder in a factory, plus he farmed corn or beans in his “spare” time. We lived ten miles from a community of about 30,000 and some sixty miles from Chicago, in the middle of the grain heartland.

In my mind, it was the perfect place to raise a large family. We had the best of both worlds: a wholesome country lifestyle with a strong sense of community and all the urban benefits of good schools and plenty of cultural activities to keep seven kids challenged and out of trouble.

When I was a teenager and brought dinner out to Dad in the field during harvest, I was struck by all the physical sensations that assaulted me. During this time of year, when I watch the huge combines run through the fields, those memories are especially vivid in my mind. Here is a more fanciful version of what I remember experiencing as a kid:

The behemoth rolls through the tawny gold field, devouring everything in its ponderous path, spewing out an enormous horizontal whirlwind of chaff, dirt and stalks behind it. Slowly, inexorably, it consumes dozens of rows at a time, cutting a swath through stems bursting with soybean pods. In one fell swoop, the machine separates the precious beans from pods and stems, storing them temporarily in its enormous belly.

I stand beside the tractor, waiting for the monster to disgorge its contents into the first grain wagon. The noise is deafening, even though I try to block my ears. As bad as the noise is, the grit is even worse. The handkerchief tied across my mouth and nose does essentially nothing to keep the fine grit from permeating my mouth, my nostrils, my throat, my lungs, and even my ears.

By the end of the long day, I will feel as if the grit has invaded clear to my eye sockets through every pore of my body. The combination of taste, smell and grubbiness of the grit lingers for days after the harvest is completed, in spite of long, hot showers. I struggle to hold back the inevitable coughing fit, at least until the monster moves past me to the second wagon. Sometimes I even succeed, but barely.

Today, almost 50 years later, there is still a lot of grit, dirt, and chaff thrown out from the combine, but most machines now have enclosed cabs that are climate-controlled. While a side benefit is the comfort of the driver, more importantly it protects the sensitive GPS and other electronic equipment typically installed to monitor crops.

As advanced as farming technology has become, unfortunate accidents continue to happen. Late one autumn evening, I was heading home from a town about eighty miles away, driving through the country. Noticing a warm red glow in the distance, I thought to myself, “What a glorious sunset we’ll have tonight.” My stomach lurched when I realized the radiance was coming from the east. As I drove closer, it became apparent that the source was from a corn field that was on fire.

Lord willing, I will never see such a fearsome sight again. Flames shot into the air, surrounded by huge clouds of acrid, billowing smoke. The farmer scrambled ineffectively to create a fire break with a field cultivator, while the lone fire truck did its best to slow down the marching blaze. Continuing on toward home, I met several more pumper trucks arriving. They did not save much of that particular 160 acre field, but they were able to keep it from spreading to the surrounding fields and homes.

The next time you see a piece of farm equipment working in a field (or perhaps slowing you down on a country road), wave to them in appreciation of their dedication to put food on our tables. You’ll find they almost always wave back, with a smile on their grubby faces.

Do you have a favorite Fall or harvest memory? I'd love to hear it!

Never Known as Lizzie!

2010-10-07T11:47:00.008-05:00

Mommy's Piggy Tales - MPT #1: My Birth and Namesake

Great Aunt Lizzie

When I was born on a cold, windy November day in 1947, my Great Aunt Lizzie served as the midwife for Mom. My parents and three older sisters lived on a small farm in central Illinois, outside the tiny rural town of Papineau. By the time the old country doctor arrived many hours later, so had I, squalling and bawling like a real trooper. Fortunately, it was a relatively easy delivery with no complications.

After cleaning up the tiny form, Aunt Lizzie laid me in my mother’s arms, asking, “What do you plan to name her?”

Mom looked up with a tired smile and said, “I think she looks like an Elizabeth, so we’ll name her after you.”

“Oh, no! Please don’t do that to her!”

Startled by the outburst, Mom asked, “Well, why ever not?”

Lizzie hemmed and hawed, then busied herself for a few minutes tidying up things in the bedroom. Naturally quiet and reticent, it was difficult to begin her story. Finally, she began to talk.

“Until I reached the age of eight, I was always known as Elizabeth, which is a beautiful name. But in third grade, some of the boys started teasing me and calling me Lizzie. Then they taunted me mercilessly about my infamous ‘namesake.’”

Although acquitted of the gruesome (and true) murder case of 1892, Lizzie Borden was memorialized forever in the popular rhyme:
Lizzie Borden took an axe
And gave her mother forty whacks.
When she saw what she had done
She gave her father forty-one.

For the rest of her life, my great aunt was called Lizzie, usually followed by some reference to the legendary Lizzie. As a spinster woman, my relative had never had any marriage prospects, which she attributed to that horrible little rhyme and the mean-spirited schoolboys who drove her into a shell.

After much discussion back and forth, Aunt Lizzie finally agreed to let my mother name me Elizabeth, on the strict condition that I never, ever, be called Lizzie. So Baby Elizabeth was welcomed into the family with open arms.

All throughout my early years growing up and attending Catholic school, everyone called me Elizabeth. Or, if I was in serious (but infrequent) trouble, it was probably Elizabeth Mary.

That all changed when we moved to another town after my fifth grade. Nicknames were much more popular in public schools in the new area, so all at once I became Liz. Before long, kids tested calling me Lizzie and chanting the old rhyme. Luckily, thanks to the insight of my elders, I had enough confidence to just ignore trouble makers and walk away.

Image created in www.wordle.net

Over the years, my names have changed in a progression. The initial Elizabeth C. became Liz (not Lizzie!) C. in sixth grade and stuck until I married in college and became Liz D. Ten years later, a divorce--with reversion to my maiden name--left me feeling like Liz C. no longer fit for me, so I adopted the name Beth C.

Happily, I met and married the love of my life in 1981, which led to another name change: Beth LaMie.

Actually, that change almost didn’t happen. The night before our wedding, my husband-to-be said, “So, this is your last night as Beth C.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, obviously not understanding his meaning. “I wasn’t really planning to change my name.” After all, my professional contacts knew me by Beth C.

He paused, looked at me quite seriously, and quietly stated, “Take me, take my name.”

“Oh!” I said, recognizing how traditional he actually was. “I guess I’m changing my name again…but for a very good reason!”

I was in Scotland this last winter to give a workshop for the school my niece’s sons attended. It was an eye-opening experience when the 10-year-old boys started calling me Great Auntie Beth! That name took a bit to get used to, but I think Great Aunt Lizzie would have approved.

Although I was never called Lizzie, I have used enough variations on Elizabeth to confuse my friends and family. In fact, when someone phones me, my husband pretty much can tell when someone knew me by whether they ask for Elizabeth, Liz or Beth.

For my purposes, I answer to all the name variations, except Lizzie—that one I just ignore. In fact, you can call me anything but late for dinner.

Thanks to Janna at http://www.mommyspiggytales.com/ for encouraging stories of our youth!

Time for Some TLC

2010-07-13T14:43:00.003-05:00

This is the guest post I did for http://www.simplemarriage.net/time-for-some-tlc.html recently. Check out their site when you have a chance - good ideas.

I started a little project recently that required getting out my sewing machine. I hadn’t used it for several months and for some reason the thread kept breaking. Finally, I broke down and dug out the owner’s manual for some help.

Hmmm, when was the last time I had cleaned and oiled the machinery? Apparently, if I couldn’t remember, then it had been way too long. As I started to disassemble each component, I made mental notes to be able to put it all back together – hopefully without any parts left over.

I have never seen so many fuzzy dust bunnies in such a small confined space. I grabbed my trusty old toothbrush (one that had been replaced recently) and brushed out all the lint I could find. Next, I dug out the good old 3-in-1 oil can to lubricate all the neglected moving parts.

Amazingly, it was immediately easier to manually run the sewing machine thru its paces. Using my photographic memory (okay, so I added a few grumbling words to help), I reassembled the machine and closed the covers for each compartment. Uh oh, where did that spring come from? I retraced my steps and consulted the manual for the umpteenth time to find the location missing one itty bitty spring.

As I worked thru the process using the manual as well as trial and error, I thought of how Mom regularly serviced her machines. I recalled how she always kept a very small can of machine oil strictly for that purpose, whereas I had to borrow my husband’s.

I also thought with pride about how she never had to take her sewing machine in for service. She knew that machine inside and out and could tell by the sound and feel when something needed attention. Sort of like she did with our family. She seemed to hone in on someone who needed a bit of TLC before we were even aware of it.

As I considered her legacy, I resolved to be more attentive to my equipment and to the people in my life who matter. I felt contentment as I finally started my sewing project and enjoyed my newly smooth-running sewing machine.

Which areas of your life could use a little TLC to run more smoothly? Consider some of these:

1.Relationships with children

Sometimes we get caught up in trying to do too many things. Spend time working on your relationship with little ones. Now that school has been out for a while, think of something fun and creative to do with your children or grandchildren. Plan an activity that everyone will enjoy that also allows some quiet time to talk. This is a perfect time of the year for a walk along the beach, in the woods or through a park. Tell them some of the activities you used to enjoy when you were their age. Ask their thoughts about what they would like to do on your next outing. You may be surprised at the pleasure they get out of little things. This small investment can pay big dividends in your relationships.

2.Relationship with spouse

We all get caught up in a whirlwind of commitments, whether it is work, housecleaning (seriously, some people do, or at least so I hear), caring for an elderly relative or getting distracted by financial burdens. Try a little “preventive maintenance” with your spouse – plan a special demonstration of your love. If he raves about your homemade lasagna and you don’t usually take the time to make it, surprise him. If she has gotten overwhelmed with housework while chauffeuring the kids to summer activities, surprise her by washing the kitchen floor. The important thing is to do something nice for them that is out of the ordinary. The great thing is that it doesn’t have to be expensive or time-consuming. The important thing is for it to be some TLC from your heart.

3.Relationship with God

It is very easy to relegate God to just an hour or two on Sunday morning. Sometimes he is trying to speak to us at other times, but we are so busy running around that we can’t hear him. Try spending some quiet time each day with no computer, no television, no music blaring. Choose a nice quiet spot where you can get comfortable, open your heart and be receptive to hearing an inner voice. Even if you hear nothing, the tranquility will refresh you in preparation for more hectic times. Years ago, I learned Transcendental Meditation and it helped me through a rough patch in my life. Now it helps me to stay focused on where I am heading and what I want to do with my life. That’s how I apply a little TLC to myself.

What areas of your life need a little TLC? I’d love to hear about them!

Memorial Day Musings

2010-06-11T11:08:00.003-05:00

The approach of Memorial Day earlier this year made me think about some of my friends and family members who have passed away. The pain of their loss may never go away completely, but it has lessened over time.

One of the ways I dealt with the sudden loss of my mother several years ago was by writing a letter to tell her all the heartfelt things I didn’t have a chance to tell her in person. In fact, I wrote for hours that first night, often crying so hard that tears smeared the pages.

I told her how deeply saddened I was that I didn’t have a chance to tell her goodbye and how much I missed her. After a few sessions of cathartic writing, I was able to finally turn to a more joyous topic: how grateful I was to have her for my mother.

Mom taught me many of the important things in life, such as faith, love, family, honesty, respect and responsibility. I started writing vignettes about memories from my childhood and I found a sense of peace as I experienced what I can only describe as a starburst effect.

As I recalled the details of a single, simple family event (such as my 8th-grade graduation) it pointed me to stories about favorite family recipes (such as sour cream chocolate cake) that in turn made me recall summer activities (such as our huge vegetable garden and preparing projects for the county fair). If you envision the sky on the 4th of July, when the fireworks display amazes us with a burst of color and lights followed by another and then another, you’ll see a starburst effect.

Each little story made me think about another one and I began to jot down story ideas in a pretty little spiral-bound writing journal that I carried with me at all times. Every time the cobwebs in my mind cleared enough to reveal a potential topic for future development, I wrote it down in my journal. My hope was to use the snippets of memories to expand into a full story as time allowed.

So what’s the point of this rambling for you?

1 - If you’ve lost someone dear to you, try writing to them or about them. Enjoy all the old memories you can recall to save for yourself, as well as for your friends and family. As a Personal Historian, I am always excited and pleased to help people save their family stories, whether I write for them or teach them how to write their own.

2 - Think about the people around you and let them know how much you appreciate them while you still can. Tell them you love them and what you admire about them. Write them a little note to thank them for something, even if it is small. Consider this: if they were suddenly gone from your life, what would you have wanted them to know? Make an effort to show them how much they matter to you.

3 - Start keeping your own writing journal. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just a simple notebook, tablet or sheaf of paper where you can jot down images that you recall and stories that you can pursue later.

4 - Years ago, I sent a letter to my great aunt and told her how much I appreciated her seeing me as a young lady when I was a terrible tomboy. My intention was to drive up to see her so we could talk about all the little things she had done for me. Unfortunately, she died before I could make the trip. I was so glad I didn’t put off sending that letter.

5 - Moral of the story: Don’t wait until it is too late to tell someone how much they mean to you. You never know when you will lose someone dear and you don’t want to regret the omission.

Go ahead, make their day – tell someone you love them.

Better yet, write it down so they can refer to it time and again.

Book Giveaway

2010-05-06T13:10:00.002-05:00

A new writer friend of mine, Bill Smith, is running a book giveaway through Sunday, May 9. I haven't read it yet, but it sounds like an interesting tale of a family in the Missouri Ozarks. Check it out at http://allisonsatticblog.blogspot.com/2010/05/back-to-homeplace-review-and-giveaway.html

Spring is Sprung

2010-04-26T21:54:00.008-05:00

Photo by Amber Domke

This is the guest post I did today on www.simplemarriage.net. I hope you enjoy it.

Spring is sprung
The grass is riz
I wonder where
The flowers is! ~ Anon.

When I was a kid, Spring was my least favorite season. I loved Fall, followed in order of preference by Summer, Winter and finally Spring. In the Midwest, Spring was usually wet, rainy and muddy, which meant outdoor adventures were too often thwarted.

But a strange thing has happened. Now that I’ve gotten older, Spring has become my season of choice. Unfortunately, it seems to last for such a very short time in Illinois, followed suddenly by hot, humid weather. In fact, there is a saying that goes “Spring is the loveliest day of the year here.” Ha! I could almost be happy with spring-like weather most of the year, except for the fact that I do enjoy the change of seasons.

Our winter seemed especially harsh and drawn out this year, so when it finally started to warm up, we reveled in the changes. Here are just three of the Spring Things we’ve been enjoying.

FLOWERS – A Rose by Any Other Name . . .

I love to see the Spring flowers, such as daffodils, crocuses and tulips, but I never seem to get around to planting them in the Fall like I should. Maybe the problem is deciding which ones to buy and when/where to plant them.

One year when we lived in Wisconsin, Mom gave me a large package of tulip bulbs for my birthday in November. Now you’d think that would be the perfect time to plant, right? Well, it turned bitterly cold early that year, but I still wanted to get them into the ground. I dragged my 10-year-old son outside and we picked a spot on the south side of the house for planting.

Unfortunately, the ground had turned rock-hard as the temperature plummeted. No way could we break through the frozen crust with our shovels, so we finally brought out a pickaxe!

After working up a sweat taking turns with the big axe, we eventually had a shallow hole about the size of a dinner platter. My plan had been to plant a row all along the back of the house, but that was obviously not going to happen. As the wind picked up and it started to sleet, I made an Executive decision: we carefully positioned all the bulbs into the hole and covered them with frozen chunks of dirt as best we could.

Winter that year turned out to be one for the record books, with unusual cold and snow. When Spring poked its head out at last, we were amazed to see that the new tulips had not only survived, they had thrived! We had the most beautiful flower display imaginable. In fact, it looked like we had planned it that way all along.

If I had to pick just one favorite spring flower, I wouldn’t have to think about it for long. For me, the sunny little dandelions are the true harbinger of Spring. When I see that these resolute little wonders have returned to brighten up our world, I am thrilled. Now, if I could only convince my hubby that he doesn’t need to attack them like Attila the Hun!

BIRDS – Our Fine Feathered Friends

We have a couple of Maple trees in our yard and were lucky enough to watch a yellow-bellied sapsucker again this year. (Yes, that really is its name. And you probably thought that was just an insulting phrase used in old Westerns on TV, right?)

Photo by Beth LaMie

The Sapsucker migrates North each year and spends up to a week in our part of the country. The picture above shows a replica of the bird and the horizontal holes they drill in the trunk of our favorite bird-watching tree. It was a real treat to sit outside and watch them get the sap running, then lap it up along with insects. We were surprised to see that squirrels also appreciated the fresh sap.

We also get a nice grouping of other birds, such as woodpeckers, cardinals, blue jays, finches and, of course, robins. Sometimes they visit our birdfeeders in harmony, while at other times they squabble and fight until the aggressor has chased the smaller birds away. Squirrels join the mix and delight us by hanging upside-down from the suet feeder, then pull themselves up to grab more tidbits from the wire cage. After all that work, they must develop some awesome abs. LOL

TREES – Our Friends in the Forest

We had a few days of unseasonably warm weather, followed by much cooler days. The result was that many of the trees stated to show their buds but they didn’t mature fully for quite some time. As a result, we had a much more gradual display of Mother Nature that seemed to occur in slow motion. From one day to the next, we could actually see the slow but sure leafing out of the trees.

One of the benefits of such an unusual awakening is that we could more fully appreciate just a few varieties of trees at a time, instead of everything blossoming in a rush. One day might have a beautiful Magnolia tree in full bloom, while another was the purple plum and finally the apple trees. The steady progression of come into bud and bloom was especially enjoyable when it could be savored over many days.

So here’s the challenge:

What have you seen or experienced this Spring? Have you taken time to smell the roses, or at least dally with the dandelions? If not, it’s still not too late. Take a few minutes each day to renew your energy and your Joie de Vivre – that’s the Joy of Living and something that every one of us can enjoy.

Viva La Spring!

Take Care of Yourself FIRST

2010-03-24T21:50:00.003-05:00

Do you know the best way to take care of your spouse and family?

Take care of yourself FIRST. This was my guest post this week on http://www.simplemarriage.net/take-care-of-yourself-first.html. I think it is worth sharing with my blog followers today.

Such a simple thing, but how many of us actually do it?

Consider the old adage, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” That’s not far from the truth.

Here are some ideas on how to take care of yourself.

1 SLEEP. Schedule enough time each day to get adequate sleep. If you are still groggy most days when the alarm interrupts your slumber, consider going to bed 15 or 20 minutes earlier. If you tend to have problems sleeping, talk to your doctor or a sleep specialist.

2 STRETCH. When you wake up in the morning, take a few minutes to stretch your muscles to help prepare for the new day. Try some simple bends and stretch like a cat to relieve the kinks in your bones.

3 SOOTHE. Set aside at least 15 minutes every day to do something personal for yourself. Maybe it’s to read a romantic novel, take a relaxing bath or meditate to relieve the stress of the day. You deserve this little luxury, whatever feels right for you.

4 SMILE. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, so take the easy way out. The great thing about giving someone a big smile is that they most likely will give it right back. Then you both feel better, which is a nice win-win situation. Here’s another idea: If you happen to spend a lot of time on the telephone, put a small mirror where you can see it. The person on the other end of the phone will hear the smile in your voice.

5 SAVOR. Take the time to smell the roses. Look for things to be grateful for every day. We are fortunate to have a roof over our heads, food to eat, a safe environment and a sun that rises every day. Even on bad days, we can find something to appreciate.

6 SIMPLIFY. Reconsider all the things you think “have to” be done. For example, Easter is coming soon. How many of your planned activities can be pared down to save time, money and aggravation? Ask your children and family for feedback. Do they really care if the hot-cross buns are homemade or bought? Can the Easter Bunny bring simply colored eggs instead of individual masterpieces?

7 SAY NO. Choose which activities & commitments in your life are worthwhile. Just because someone asks you to do something doesn’t mean you have to. Even better, you don’t have to give a reason why you can’t do it this time. Just say, “Sorry, I won’t be able to [whatever].” I used to have a small plaque on my desk that made a good reminder. It said, “Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”

8 SAY YES. Say yes to putting yourself first. You deserve it and so does your family.

Personal Values Writing Workshop

2010-03-12T05:09:00.003-06:00

Are students in Ireland very different than students in America? Yesterday I had the pleasure to find out when I conducted a Personal Values Writing Workshop to a classs of 16 year old girls in a Dublin school. They all had lovely Irish accents which made it just a bit challenging to understand when they spoke softly.

In the course of this trip abroad, I've managed to catch a miserable cold. By the time of this workshop, my voice was almost gone and I seemed to either squeak or croak when trying to talk. Needless to say, my presentation was not quite as dynamic as usual. Fortunately, the young women were all well-behaved and I didn't have to yell. LOL

The workshop started out with a discussion about Personal Values, why they are important and from whom we learn them. At first, the girls seemed a bit reluctant to respond, but before long they offered their own ideas more willingly.

Each of the girls selected a few of their favorite Personal Values from a sample list of about 30, then wrote a short story about why they were important to them and how they had learned them. There were several recurrent themes throughout most of the stories, such as friendship, loyalty, honesty and respect. Those same values seem to resonate with American students as well.

One thing that surprised me was that none of the girls wanted to read their own writing. Rather, they volunteered to read someone else's story, which has not been the case in any of my other writing workshops. The Principal explained later that in Ireland, all children are required to learn Gaelic in addition to English. So they have less time available to work on speaking and presentation skills. From just the little that I saw on street signs, there doesn't seem to be any similarities between the two languages, as there is in French or Spanish.

A few of the girls responded quite well to my encouragement to write. In fact, one student wrote a lovely story in spite of her usually not participating fully in the classes. I was very encouraged to see that.

So the biggest difference I noticed between American and Irish students? It was their lack of confidence in their presentations. Otherwise, there were many similarities. As always, I was pleased to see their positive reception of my message.

Biography Writing in Scotland

2010-03-07T05:07:00.005-06:00

Today's post is one of the lovely stories from my Biography Writing Workshop in Scotland. The students all did a very nice job of interviewing someone, writing their story and reading aloud it to the class. This story is from Marcela M.

The Life Story of My Granny M

Ester M known as Granny M to the family was born on the 13th March 1926. She lived in a small flat in a town in Scotland. In the flat there was a kitchen, 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, a scullery and a parlour. She lived with her Mum, Dad, her 2 older brothers Charles and Alistair and her 2 older sisters Isabel and Margaret. Gran was the youngest child in her family. There were 7 of them in one small flat and there were only 2 bedrooms. So Isabel and Gran slept in the kitchen. Charles, Alistair and Margaret slept in one of the bedrooms and her Mum and Dad slept in the other bedroom.

Her house chores were to wash and dry the dishes and dusting which she despised so much. She worked really quite hard and her weekly allowance was 1-2 pennies and she used it for sweets the way we do nowadays. Alistair was teased by Gran even though Alistair was older than Gran. She didn’t have any nicknames and didn’t ask many questions. She wishes she had asked more questions instead of just watching people talking and acting all shy. Gran’s only ever pet was a small budgie. Her favourite food was sweets like a lot of people. Gran really liked playing outside on clear sunny days with her best friends Kathy and Irene who were also her neighbours. Gran lived in the flat in the middle of the close. On one side of her house lived Irene’s family and on the other side was Kathy’s family. Her proudest moment before she was 18 was joining the Land Army.

Gran really disliked school. She cried for a whole weekend and refused to go to school. Her Mum eventually told her she had to go to school to learn and to become educated. Although she didn’t like school she had favourite subjects which were Poetry, Reading and Spelling. Gran said that her school day went by really fast and also went really well. Gran and her brothers and sisters walked to and from school. The Primary was a 5 minute walk away from her house and the Secondary was just across the road, but she said she was still rushing at the last minute. There were around 40 students in one of her classes. Gran was in the same class as her two best friends Kathy Barclay and Irene Heart. They met when they were all around the age of 3. During playtime Gran, Kathy and Irene played Pever, Skipping, Beds and played with YoYo’s.

When Gran grew up she wanted to be a Vet but said to me that she didn’t have the brains to become one so didn't. After school she worked with Mitchell's and at 17 joined the Land Army. At the weekend she and her friends went swimming. Gran took piano lessons and after she was used to playing the piano she also started swimming lessons. Gran’s family didn’t have a lot of money and didn’t have a radio so Gran rarely heard anything on a radio. Robert Burns’ songs and poems were quite popular then and She really liked them.

Gran saw her first television in the late 1960’s. The Sound of Music and Mamma Mia are Gran's favourite movies. She saw them in a picture house with her daughter Jan who is my Auntie. Gran and her dad entered sailing races in a very small yacht. The yacht was so small that there was no room for seats so you had to stand. The only other thing Gran remembers doing with Kathy and Irene was going out for a bike ride or going for messages on her bike.

Gran and her family didn’t do much celebrating or hosting any small parties. She said that on her birthday she didn’t get anything special and it seemed like any other normal day. Now Gran receives cards, presents, yummy chocolates, perfume and clothes. Sometimes she goes out for dinner with some of the family. The first family wedding Gran attended was at the Bath Hotel in Glasgow. There were around 50-70 family members or friends that were there. There were 2 food tables but the food was very plain not all fancy like what there are at some weddings. The wedding cake wasn’t all big and fancy with all these decorations, it was a small plainish type of cake.

For their holidays they went to Arran in July, for Christmas they went to spend time with their family they didn’t see much and for New Year the family they saw at Christmas came to their house for a big family dinner. All the children were told to go into the parlour and wait until the adults had finished eating. Gran said that if the table was messy before they ate they still were given the blame and were still told to clean it up.

Once Gran was married she went abroad quite a lot and sometimes went away herself. In the 1990’s she went on a lot of lovely sunny cruises with Grandpa. Now if Gran goes abroad she goes with my Auntie Jan but it’s usually just bus tours now to different places. Sometimes Gran goes to watch the bowling since she used to play bowling herself. Gran's proudest achievement in her adult life was having a happy healthy family and seeing how they have grown since they were tiny little babies. The one other special occasion was her Golden Wedding which is 50 years of marriage. WOW! Gran has been married a very, very long time.

Gran’s most important values are her Family, Faith and Friendship. Gran learned these values from her Mum and Dad. She wants to see manners, respect, kindness and fairness from other people she meets in the streets or in shops. Gran treats people with kindness, respect and care because whoever she treats like that she wants to be treated like that as well.

I hadn’t realised that Gran worked so hard during her younger years and lived really near her school. How she put up with sleeping in the kitchen and sharing her bed space with her older sister Isabel I have no idea but I know I couldn’t share a bed or a room with Elena or Ronnie. Now that’s a FACT! You might think that 1-2 pennies isn’t that much money but that was quite a lot of money 80 odd years ago.

I find my Granny M’s life story really interesting because I didn’t know much about her life so now my knowledge on her has become much better. I play tig or football at my breaks whereas Gran and her friends played Pever, Skipping or Beds. When she explained the rules of these games to me they sounded really quite fun. I’ve learned a lot more about my Granny M’s life than I knew before. Some of it is quite funny, some is interesting and some is a little different from what I thought it would be. If I was given the chance to try Pever or Beds I probably would. The things she did for fun are really different from what I do in and out of school.

I have thoroughly enjoyed myself finding out more about my Gran and her family since she knows all about mine. I also liked finding out about how small her house was compared to the size of mine or yours, and how school hasn’t changed that much. The subjects that Gran had, we have today here at our school. The one thing that has changed and I’m glad it’s changed is that if we are bad we have our name on the chart, we are moved or we are given a purple card and stay in for lunch. If Gran was bad or someone in her class was bad they were told to go out to the front of the class and were hit with the belt or the cane. I’m so happy that we aren’t hit with the belt or the cane.

Writing this biography has been really interesting and made me think how hard it was for Gran and her family then. No wonder Gran couldn’t remember some of the things in her life when she was young because there is so much to know about her. By Marcela M

Who Do You Think You Are?

2010-03-01T11:54:00.003-06:00

Scottish Biography Writing Workshop

How well do you know your own heritage? Do you really know your grandparents and great-grandparents? If you don’t know as much as you’d like, today is a great day to start learning more about them!

Today I am very excited to have started giving a 3-day Biography Writing Workshop at an island school off the coast of Scotland. The students are in sixth and seventh grades and it was delightful to see their eyes light up as we discussed the process of their writing a biography. They were eager to get started.

The rules about who to interview for their writing are pretty basic: 1) someone they already know, such as a family member or friend, 2) someone over 18 years old and 3) someone they want to know better. Within a few short minutes of discussion, each student had selected at least one person for their first interview. A few of them asked if they can interview more than one person, which is gratifying.

Each student was given a list of questions to ask their subjects on a variety of topics, such as their early life, their school life, what they did for fun, how they celebrated events and holidays and what personal values are important to them. They can also come up with their own questions to ask.

Over the next two days, the students will interview their person of choice and start writing that person’s story. When we meet again, they will continue writing the story, then revise and edit it until they are satisfied. On the next day, they will read their stories to the whole class and the top three presentations will be awarded prizes.

If you are ready to get started on your own biography by interviewing someone near and dear to your heart, now is the time to get busy. For a list of the questions the students are using, send me an email at Beth@bethlamie.com and put Interview Questions in the Subject. I will be glad to share them with you!

Real Old-fashioned Fried Chicken

2010-02-22T22:54:00.002-06:00

This is a guest post from my dear friend, Lois Phelps. We share many things in common, especially being raised on farms and the memories we have from favorite foods and family dinners. I hope you enjoy her story!

I wasn’t very old when Grandma Ponton taught me how to kill and dress chickens. My grandmother was a petite woman who dressed in a cotton housedress, covered by an apron most likely made from a feed sack with nylon hose and dress shoes but come chicken killing day, she belied her image and became a killer.

In the chicken yard, Grandma chased the chicken with a wire bent with a hook on the end. It didn’t take many attempts for her to land her quarry. She stretched the chicken or rooster’s neck over an exposed tree root and chopped its head off. I know from experience what “like a chicken with his head cut off” looks like. I still remember how long it sometimes took for that dancing, headless chicken to die. Occasionally, Grandma didn’t completely chop through the neck and the chicken would run around with their head flopping around. One old rooster lived quite some time with his head partially cut off. We would pile those dead chickens in pails and carry them down the stairs to Grandma Ponton’s basement.

Next came dunking the dead chicken in boiling hot water so that the feathers could be pulled off. What an odor that made! There was fuzz left so we would light a rolled up newspaper and hold the paper in one hand and the chicken in the other to singe the remaining feathers. You had to be close to a bucket of water to put that burning paper into or you got burned.. There were pin feathers left buried in the skin. We would take a paring knife and push on the bottom of the feather to push them out of the follicles. Occasionally, we would squeeze them just like you would a pimple to remove them. Then came the most fun of all……pulling out the guts of the chicken. I seem to recall doing it from the rear.

You had to cut the heart, liver and gizzard free of the entrails as they were good eating. And you would cut those feet off up to the leg, pull the tough yellow skin off and cook them for broth. It was not unusual for homemade noodles to be served with the chicken feet in them. After you ate the noodles, you picked up those feet and ate the meat off the bones. I still remember how Grandma Ponton taught me to cut up a chicken so occasionally I will buy the whole chicken to cut it myself. Today’s butchers cut up the chicken with an electric saw which is definitely not the same.
My dad loved fried chicken but Mother wouldn’t even eat from a fork that had been in chicken so this job fell to me at a young age.

My grandmothers taught me to fry chicken dredged in flour and the shortening must be lard. There was no need to tell me to use a cast iron skillet because that is all we had. The chicken did cook with a very crispy coating as I recall. My dad would always get the gizzard; we kids knew better than to even ask. His next favorite pieces were the back and the neck. I think he liked to pick out the meat in these bony pieces. Today, we don't even get the neck of the chicken. And who cooks the liver, heart and gizzard! As for putting chicken feet in noodles, my grandchildren would take one look and pronounce it disgusting.

Okay, who is ready for some REAL fried chicken? What are some of your own favorite food memories? I'd love to hear about them.

Values to Live By

2010-02-16T22:25:00.003-06:00

This post appeared on February 16, 2010, on Corey Allen's http://simplemarriage.com.

Values.

What do they mean to you?

When was the last time you considered the values that make up your character?

Are you trustworthy, loyal, fair, honorable or patient?

Are your friends and family proud of who you are? Why or why not?

What can you do to improve?

What are values?

Values are the ideals or principles of a given society and the personal qualities considered worthwhile or desirable. They are different for each of us and can vary from person to person and even for each person from one time to another.

We learn our values from our families, friends, religion and community. In turn, the people we associate with learn values from us as well. Are your loved ones learning the values that you want them to adopt? The world is moving so quickly that we need to ensure that our families and children understand what values are important to us.

Consider these quotes:

Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil. ~ C. S. Lewis

As a man, I’ve been representative of the values I hold dear. And the values I hold dear are carryovers from the lives of my parents. ~ Sidney Poitier

What values are important to you?

Think of the traits you admire most in someone close to you, such as a parent or a best friend.

Do you share those same values? Most often, we tend to share similar values with the people with whom we associate. Obviously, that can be good or bad. With young people, it is especially important that they choose their companions wisely.

When I conduct writing workshops for high school students, one of the most frequently requested topics is Personal Values. It is always an illuminating exercise to have the students check off the values that are important to them. One person may select almost all of the values in the list, while others cannot seem to relate to more than one or two. What does that tell us about their character?

How are you passing your values on to your family?

Your actions speak louder than words. If you want your kids to be honest, what are you teaching them by your actions? Do you tell little white lies from time to time, fudge the numbers a bit on your taxes or fail to point out when a cashier gives you too much change?

If your faith is important to you, do you practice it with your family? Do you attend services regularly, or only when it is convenient or a major event, such as Easter or Christmas? If you ran into your minister, priest, imam or rabbi on the street, would he/she recognize you? Better yet, would you recognize them in their “street clothes?”

Children look up to their parents and tend to emulate their actions, whether we realize it or not. As an example, consider your reaction when a 4-year-old drops something and lets out a short curse. Will it be a mild expletive or something stronger that they’ve heard you say? With luck, it takes only a time or two for the parent to realize how much “little ears” pick up from us.

When my grandson expressed his frustration about something by using Daddy’s favorite swear word, Daddy and Mommy both started using a new preference of “Oh, snap!” At first, it struck me as pretty funny, but I was proud to see that exercising their values helped them to teach their children what was acceptable behavior.

It isn’t easy to be a role model for our children, but it is crucial if we want to pass on our values to them. So the next time you are tempted to cut an ethical corner or use words that you don’t want them to repeat, keep in mind that your kids are watching and listening.

Exercises on Values

Try these simple exercises on values. Look at this list of sample values and select the ones that are most important to you, or at least a few to start with. There is no right answer. In fact, your personal values may not even be on this list.

SAMPLE VALUES

activism
authenticity
boldness
can do attitude
charity
chivalry
cleanliness
communication
confidence
courage
creativity
curiosity
dignity
diversity
empathy
endurance
enthusiasm
excitement
fairness
faith
friendship
genuineness
God
gratitude
hard work
helpfulness
honor
hope
humility
independence
innovation
integrity
interest in others
inventiveness
joie de vivre
joyfulness
kindness
lifelong learning
listening
love
loyalty
motivation
nonviolence
open mindedness
organization
participation
patience
persistence
positive attitude
pride (not ego)
promptness
quality
resilience
resourcefulness
respect
responsibility
self-esteem
sense of honor
sense of humor
social skills
supportiveness
tradition
work ethics

Your Personal Values

1. Which values are most important to you? Why?
2. From whom did you learn these values? How?
3. Which values do you admire in people around you? Why?
4. In what ways do you act on your values?
5. How do your values help you make difficult decisions?

Once you have identified some of your own values and contemplated their importance to you, take the opportunity to open up a dialog with your family members. Discuss the importance of values with them and share your own experiences.

If you could instill three values into the people around you, what would they be?

I’d love to get your feedback on which values YOU consider important.

The Perfect Valentine

2010-02-10T16:13:00.001-06:00

As you know, Valentine’s Day is all about love. But do you know one of the best (and easiest) ways to express your love for someone? Just tell them how you feel about them. Okay, maybe you can’t always verbally express what you are feeling, but with a little effort, anyone can write a simple love note.

So how do you get started? Close your eyes and picture your loved one. What do you appreciate most about them? It may be their crooked little smile, their willingness to pitch in to help, their sense of humor, their support for you, the care they give your aging parents or the home-cooked meals they offer.

Whatever it is, they’d probably like to hear you show your appreciation once in a while.

Years ago when I was a kid growing up on the farm, my great-aunt used to bring us clothes and shoes from the upscale dress shop where she worked. I was the only of all my sisters who could fit into the fancy high-heeled shoes that I loved. I could tell how pleased she was to see my enjoyment of them.

As an adult, I wondered what she saw in me as a clumsy tom-boy to think that I could ever clean up so well. I finally mailed her a long letter telling her how much I appreciated her vision and kindness. My plan was to follow up and visit her, then take her out to lunch, but I ran out of time.

Just a few months after I finally wrote to her, she passed away suddenly and I lost the chance to talk in person.

So my point is to let people you care about know what they mean to you now, while you still can. Just a little note or a few words scribbled onto a card may make someone’s day. Why not use Valentine's Day as a reason to express your love?

Who do YOU appreciate? How can you tell or show them? I’d love to hear what works for you.

Stories from a 5-year-old

2010-01-30T12:13:00.004-06:00

It looks like our family may have a young personal-historian-in-training! My grandson is only 5, but he captured his own thoughts and actually wrote them down. In fairness to his Dad, I do have to say his story may be just a wee bit exaggerated, for effect, I'm sure.

In case you can't read the original, I will take the liberty to interpret it for you here:
[sic] sum tems my dad dzit let me hav iscrm. My dad dz not evr let me hav pop mountain dew. I see my dad laying down.

So the question for you is this: If a 5-year-old can write a story, what's your excuse?

For help getting started today with your own stories, sign up for my free monthly newsletter at www.bethlamie.com.

Start Your Stories

2010-01-21T11:50:00.002-06:00

Are you having a problem getting started with your own family stories? You may have very good intentions, but not know exactly how to proceed. Every month, I offer FREE teleclasses on just that topic.

In case you aren't aware, a teleclass is a class that is taught over a telephone. People call into a specific phone number at a set time and enter an Access Code followed by a "#". In my case, the Call-in number is 308-344-6400, Access Code 300645#. Normal long-distance charges will apply, but there is no cost for the actual class.

If you would like to attend, but the day or time is not convenient, please let me know. I am open to adding more teleclasses to fit a variety of schedules. My goal is to encourage people to capture their family stories before it is too late.

Everyone has a story to tell. What is yours?

Interview on Children Author Show

2010-01-18T19:15:00.003-06:00

You can listen to a fun interview about my book. Now Playing at www.TheChildrenAuthorsShow.com : Interview with Beth LaMie about Grannys Guide To Fun and Fabulous Family Stories.

One of the surreal aspects was that usually I do the interviewing, so this was a rather unusual experience for me. Don McCauley of the Author Show was very pleasant during the interview and easy to converse with.

My hope is that more people will hear about my book, website, newsletter and blog. It is very exciting when someone contacts me about my work.

SO the question is, "What is your most vivid memory about growing up?" Feel free to comment below and have fun saving your family stories.

4 Step Recipe for Family Stories

2010-01-13T22:56:00.003-06:00

This post is one I did as a guest columnist today for www.simplemarriage.com. I hope you enjoy it!

Many of my most vivid memories relate to food. I loved all the family gatherings when I was a kid. With six brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins all living in a relatively small area, we seemed to get together every week. If the occasion was not for a complete meal, then there had to be “lunch” served with coffee and a variety of scrumptious sweets. I dearly loved sitting quietly nearby so I could hear everyone talk and tell their stories.

To this day, I can’t see or smell cinnamon rolls without thinking of Mom and all her delicious baked goods. Grandma always kept a clear glass container like a huge brandy snifter in the center of her table, filled to the brim with several kinds of homemade cookies. Whenever she felt we didn’t eat the cookies quickly enough, she topped all of them with chocolate icing, one of my personal favorites.

Connected with those fabulous food memories are the memorable family stories that were told and retold. I never tired of hearing favorite stories from bygone days.

Food is one great way for YOU to open up a treasure chest of memories.

1. Get the stories behind the food

What do you think of when asked about your favorite food? Is it something that your grandmother made, like apple crisp? Or is it your Uncle Pete’s awesome barbecued ribs? Or how about your neighbor’s chocolate fudge? Or is it something you make yourself, like a peanut butter, jelly and banana sandwich? One of my own family favorites is fresh lemon meringue pie, which Mom made better than anyone else.

Whatever it is, everyone has favorite foods. Many of these foods make us think of when we were younger. But did you ever wonder about the stories behind the food? Who came up with the original recipe for apple crisp? And who on earth decided to add raisins or nuts to it? You can get some wonderful stories when you pose questions like these to cooks you know.

2. Use the power of food to recall memories

Food can be a powerful trigger to help you recall memories. If someone mentions pumpkin pie, do you think of Thanksgiving dinner? Do gingerbread cookies remind you of Christmas? Do hard-boiled eggs lead to thoughts of Easter? Whenever I see pecan pie, I always think about shelling pecans by the bushel (it sure seemed like a bushel, anyway) so we’d have pecans all winter.

You can use food to remind your family circle of stories you want to hear. One idea is to throw a cookie baking party. Everyone has fun, you get to make cookies (or pizza, or pretzels, or whatever you like best) and you dig up stories from the past. Best of all, you get to enjoy your favorite foods and favorite people at the same time.

Whenever people get together, they like to talk and tell stories. You can make up a list of questions to ask for more background about your own memories. Just remember to either write down what people say or use a recorder to capture it. That’s a whole lot easier than trying to remember all the details later.

3. Use family gatherings for more story-telling

Any gathering of your friends and family is a great chance to capture more stories. Many times, this is a fun opportunity for group discussions. Getting people to talk about their favorite foods will always lead to good memories. Ask about the first time Aunt Alice made a favorite recipe like macaroni and cheese and burned it. Where did she learn how to fix it? Some families may have their own idea of what a dish should be like. For example, one family may like macaroni and cheese from the blue box, but another family might be disappointed if they didn’t get it homemade from scratch with three kinds of cheese. They’re all keys to opening up those memories.

4. Combine family stories and recipes

One way to capture family stories and recipes is to make a little cookbook of your favorite foods. Then you can add stories to go along with the recipes. It’s even more fun to show the original recipe and who made it. Then show any changes that other people made to it.

To get stories from your family circle, you can ask each of them to write down their favorite recipe onto a card. Make sure they include the directions as well. On the other side of the recipe card, ask them to write a few notes about where the original recipe came from. They might also like to give you a photo of the food or the original cook.

Every year we lose someone special from our circle of friends and family. Please keep this in mind: Get started now to save their precious memories before they are lost forever.

Tales of Home and Family

2010-01-07T14:57:00.005-06:00

As you know by now, I cherish family stories and the memories they preserve. Today I received great news. I will be one of the contributors on the Simple Marriage Team, covering topics related to Home and Family. How's that for a good fit? I am really excited and my first column will appear on Wednesday, January 13 at www.simplemarriage.net.

When I was a kid growing up in rural Illinois, I used to love to sit quietly and listen to the adults tell stories. There were no epic tales of heroism, but they taught me about my own family heritage. Those are the stories that I wish someone had recorded for our family.

Since that didn't happen, my goal is to help other people save some of their own precious family stories before they are lost forever. My book (Granny's Guide to Fun & Fabulous Family Stories) offers a whole series of writing exercises to help you get started. It is available for $18.95 plus shipping on my website, www.bethlamie.com.

In addition, I offer free teleclasses twice a month that show you how to capture your stories. To find out the details for the calls, please sign up for my newsletter on my website.

Start the New Year off right and plan to start on your own stories!

Best Workshop of 2009

2009-12-06T16:18:00.002-06:00

I went to a terrific writing workshop just a few weeks ago with Barbara Sher, who wrote Wishcraft and lots of other great books on finding your dream and getting it. She offers the workshop as part of a WriteSpeak program to help people like me become writers and speakers. That is the program I completed this spring, which was responsible in large part for my writing & publishing Granny's Guide to Fun & Fabulous Family Stories.

The workshop was held at lovely old Saluda Inn in Saluda, NC, for 15 eager wannabe writers. One of the greatest benefits of such a small group was having close interaction with Barbara herself. The woman was amazing at helping me hone in on the message for my next book.

It will be to help people write their own stories about end-of-life concerns, whether from their own perspective (such as Randy Pausch), their experiences with someone else (perhaps in Hospice), or dealing with the sudden loss of someone. I hesitated about tackling such a morbid topic, but since my friend died last year and my mother-in-law recently, I feel a pull in that direction. My first book is more playful and intended to help people have fun writing their family stories. Dealing with death is definitely not a fun topic, but a very important one.

As a Personal Historian, I deal with many older customers and those who know they have limited time remaining. With my passion for getting people to think about and save their family stories, this second book will be even more appropriate for dealing with serious matters.

Have you been to a really good workshop this year? If more than one, what was your best workshop, and why? I'd love to hear from you. #best09

Best Book of 2009 (Mine)

2009-12-04T20:39:00.004-06:00

Okay, for all of you who may not know me, I wrote & published a book this year called Granny's Guide to Fun & Fabulous Family Stories, which shows people how to capture their own family stories. In a bit of purely selfish sel-promotion, I do have to admit that it's my favorite book of the year - surprise!

There are three great things about the book:
1. You can capture stories that you experienced or you can interview someone else to get their stories.
2. You can involve all members of the family from the oldest to the youngest. It makes a terrific family project for all ages.
3. There is still time to get an autographed copy from my website for holiday gift-giving. Just check out www.bethlamie.com.

Best Trip of 2009

2009-12-04T20:07:00.004-06:00

Okay, thanks to Gwen Bell's suggestion, I am participating in the Best of 2009 Blog Challenge. See http://www.gwenbell.com/blog/2009/11/30/the-best-of-2009-blog-challenge.html? for the daily prompts for blogging. I won't likely blog every day, but some of the topics are very appealing.

My best trip this year had to be driving to North Carolina from Illinois at the peak of Fall color. The bad news was the giant rock slide that completely blocked I-40 near N Caro. I took a two-lane detour instead of the recommended interstate version to enjoy the scenery.

Little did I know that I would lose a great deal of time following a car that braked for every single curve, and there were tons of curves going through the mountains. At one point, I was finally able to pass the car in a passing lane. As I rounded the next curve, I was smack behind a transit bus.

I busted out laughing and said, "Okay, God, I guess you want me to slow down & enjoy the scenery!" Once I made that decision, the rest of the trip was absolutely lovely. However, for the return trip, I decided to follow the interstate detour to save some time. #best09

Thanksgiving Fun

2009-11-23T11:41:00.003-06:00

This week is the perfect time to work with children and grandkids about what they remember and like best about Thanksgiving. One family custom we enjoy is to go around the dinner table and have everyone tell what they are most grateful for this year. Even young children catch on quickly to the idea.

Preserving Thanksgiving stories is easy with the use of my simple Keepsake for Kids ebook, which is available at no cost on my website, www.bethlamie.com in the Products tab. Kids can write their own responses to the prompts or work with an adult. Then they can either draw something about what they remember or attach a photograph.

What's YOUR Story?

2009-11-02T20:04:00.003-06:00

Okay, everyone has a story to tell, but what is YOUR story? What do you want to make sure that your kids and grandkids know and remember about you? We recently had a death in our family and besides the regret of losing someone we love is the regret that we never got the real story about the time they ...

One of my very favorite stories to gather from married couples is about how they met, married and spent their early life together. Often times, that story dovetails in with the Great Depression and World War II, so they always have fascinating tidbits about how they handled challenges and even thrived during such times of turmoil.

As one of my clients pointed out recently, they just took life in stride, both the good and the bad. "That's the way it was for everyone, so you just dealt with it." No whining, no complaining, no blaming someone else. Perhaps that is what made them the Greatest Generation as Tom Brokaw called them in his book of the same name. Tom Brokaw said, "When the United States entered World War II, the U.S. government turned to ordinary Americans and asked of them extraordinary service, sacrifice, and heroics..."

Whether you have endured life-threatening hardships or triumphed over minor catastrophies, your stories are an important part of you and your heritage. Make an effort today to share your story with someone you love.

Kankakee Author Signing

2009-10-18T21:18:00.001-05:00

By becoming a devotee of Barbara Sher (www.barbarasher.com) and following her excellent advice during her fabulous WriteSpeak program, I am pleased to announce my 3rd Author Signing for the book I completed this spring! Here are the details, just in case you know anyone in the Kankakee, IL, area.

Author Signing
Saturday, Oct. 24, 1-3 PM CDT
at Love Christian Center Bookstore
249 S Schuyler Ave.
Kankakee, IL 60901

My book is Granny's Guide to Fun & Fabulous Family Stories and shows everyone how to capture THEIR OWN family stories (or to interview their elders and involve kids as young as 8) and to have FUN doing it. For more information about the book and suggestions on how to get started with your own stories, please see my website below.

How to become a Personal Historian

2009-10-17T20:40:00.002-05:00

Have you ever wondered how you can become a Personal Historian? Here is a quick explanation for you: http://tinyurl.com/yelbsu7 in Wiki. There is also a wealth of excellent information on the website for APH - the Association of Personal Historians: http://www.personalhistorians.org/, of which I am a member.

The important thing is to start writing. And who better for your first client than yourself or someone you already know? You'll be amazed at how much more you will learn about yourself and them.

Ethical Will Writing Workshop

2009-09-22T20:30:00.005-05:00

Last week I had the distinct pleasure of conducting an Ethical Will Writing Workshop for a group of some 50 Seniors at Oak Lawn Community High School. They were all part of Creative Writing classes led by Ms. Jennifer Jepsen and Ms. Erika Buys.

The two classes are working on autobiographies that concentrate less on the mundane parts of life (when they were born, where they lived, siblings, etc.) and more about who they are and who/what has shaped them. That is a fantastic assignment for anyone, but especially for these young adults as they prepare to enter the real world outside of high school.

The purpose of an Ethical Will is to create a spiritual letter for family, friends and colleagues that shares the writer's sense of self. There are no hard and fast rules for what an Ethical Will should contain, but usually it consists of some or all of the following elements: 1) Values, 2) Gratitude, 3) Life Lessons, 4) Achievements & Hopes, 5) Favorites and 6) Advice.

The students used the first writing exercise to create a rough draft of an Ethical Will. After a discussion of the basic writing process (Brainstorming, Rough Draft, Revisions, Editing and Publishing), they used the second writing exercise to revise and edit their initial document. Part of their grade was based on the improvements from the rough draft to the more polished version. Eventually, the Ethical Will is to be incorporated into their individual autobiographies.

What struck me most about these exercises was the depth of feeling that several of the students expressed. It was gratifying to see how they had taken the assignment to heart and shared some of their most innermost thoughts. When the project has been completed, I hope to share some of their work with you as fine examples of personal history writing.

4 Steps to Super Stories from Food & Family

2009-09-10T22:57:00.002-05:00

Many of my most vivid memories relate to food. I loved all the family gatherings when I was a kid. With six brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins all living in a relatively small area, we seemed to get together every week. If the occasion was not for a complete meal, then there had to be “lunch” served with coffee and a variety of scrumptious sweets. I dearly loved sitting quietly nearby so I could hear everyone talk and tell their stories.

To this day, I can’t see or smell cinnamon rolls without thinking of Mom and all her delicious baked goods. Grandma always kept a clear glass container like a huge brandy snifter in the center of her table, filled to the brim with several kinds of homemade cookies. Whenever she felt we didn’t eat the cookies quickly enough, she topped all of them with chocolate icing.

Connected with those fabulous food memories are the memorable family stories that were told and retold. I never tired of hearing favorite stories from bygone days. Food is one great way to open up a treasure chest of memories.

1. Get the stories behind the food

What do you think of when asked about your favorite food? Is it something that your grandmother made, like apple crisp? Or is it your Uncle Pete’s awesome barbecued ribs? Or how about your neighbor’s chocolate fudge? Or is it something you make yourself, like a peanut butter, jelly and banana sandwich? One of my own family favorites is fresh lemon meringue pie, which Mom made better than anyone else.

Whatever it is, everyone has favorite foods. Many of these foods make us think of when we were younger. But did you ever wonder about the stories behind the food? Who came up with the original recipe for apple crisp? And who on earth decided to add raisins or nuts to it? You can get some wonderful stories when you ask the cooks questions like these.

2. Use the power of food to recall memories

Food can be a powerful trigger to help you recall memories. If someone mentions pumpkin pie, do you think of Thanksgiving dinner? Do gingerbread cookies remind you of Christmas? Do hard-boiled eggs lead to thoughts of Easter? Whenever I see pecan pie, I always think about shelling pecans by the bushel (it sure seemed like a bushel, anyway) so we’d have pecans all winter.

You can use food to remind your family circle of stories you want to hear. One idea is to throw a cookie baking party. Everyone has fun, you get to make cookies (or pizza, or pretzels, or whatever you like best) and you dig up stories from the past. Best of all, you get to enjoy your favorite foods and favorite people at the same time.

Whenever people get together, they like to talk and tell stories. You will have a chance to ask questions like the ones at the end of this book. And you can make up your own questions, too. Just remember to either write down what people say or use a recorder to capture it. That’s a whole lot easier than trying to remember all the details later.

3. Use family gatherings for more story-telling

Any gathering of your friends and family is a great chance to capture more stories. Many times, this is a fun opportunity for group discussions. Getting people to talk about their favorite foods will always lead to good memories. Ask about the first time Aunt Alice made a favorite recipe like macaroni and cheese and burned it. Where did she learn how to fix it? Some families may have their own idea of what a dish should be like. For example, one family may like macaroni and cheese from the blue box, but another family might be disappointed if they didn’t get it homemade from scratch with three kinds of cheese. They’re all keys to opening up those memories.

4. Combine family stories and recipes

One way to capture family stories and recipes is to make a little cookbook of your favorite foods. Then you can add stories to go along with the recipes. It is fun to show the original recipe and who made it. Then show any changes that other people made to it.

To get stories from your family circle, you can ask each of them to write down their favorite recipe onto a card. Make sure they include the directions as well. On the other side of the recipe card, ask them to write a few notes about where the original recipe came from. They might also like to give you a photo of the food or the original cook.

Whose View Is True?

2009-09-04T11:28:00.002-05:00

Sarah commented about stories that conflict with historical events and she is exactly right. Personal stories are basically true, even when a few facts get jumbled. We need to keep in mind that the version of the story we are hearing (or telling) is one person's perception of what happened.

Any police officer can tell you how a room full of potential witnesses all see a slightly (or hugely) different view of what happened. With my six brothers and sisters, we all remember events just a bit differently. Rather than causing conflict, I like to think of it as seeing the world thru multiple lenses. Of course, that doesn't help at all in the courtroom.

One person may view the world with rose-colored glasses, while others see the glass as half full or half empty. Regardless of the bare facts, passing time tends to fade our memories. That's when a little research can help to fill in the gaps and put things into a more realistic perspective.

Time Line for Personal Histories

2009-08-23T22:50:00.003-05:00

Often when I start a personal history for a client, I create a simple timeline of their lives so I can relate their experiences to external events that have helped shape them. In fact, since I started writing personal histories, I've learned more about history & world events in general than I ever learned in school. I guess that personal connection makes all the history seem more real and significant.

Think about some of the elders in your group of friends and family. If they are old enough to have experienced WWI, the Great Depression, WWII and the atomic bomb, you can get some fabulous stories from them.

One of my dearest relatives has Alzheimer's disease, but I recently had an amazing conversation with her. She was "living" in the past almost 50 years ago. As I gently asked her questions about how she met her husband and the wedding dances they used to attend, I saw a side of her I had never seen before. She even giggled(!) when she said, "...then he came right over and asked ME to dance, instead of Rosie." It was a thrill to see her relive that experience.

So make it a point to go see an old friend or relative and ask them questions about what they remember. Don't wait too long, though. Our precious older generation is quickly fading away.

Who Do You Trust?

2009-08-17T10:55:00.003-05:00

I just bought Trust Agents, @chrisbrogan's new book about earning trust on the web. Here's the link: http://bit.ly/buy-ta I love the concept because there is so much misinformation on the internet and how do you determine which is reliable?

Chris Brogan's daily blogs offer excellent advice on cultivating and maintaining professional relationships, as well as tips on using the latest social media. Having read and followed them for quite some time, I am looking forward to mining his savvy information even further.

In our own relationships, whether they are personal, professional or political(!), being able to trust someone is incredibly important. So the question is, who do you trust? And how do you determine who is trustworthy?

Great Free Resources

2009-08-13T23:26:00.003-05:00

A fellow member of APH (Association of Personal Historians), Dan Curtis, had a fabulous blog yesterday that has a wealth of free resources for Personal Historians and writers in general. See http://dancurtis.ca/2009/08/12/100-free-resources-for-personal-historians/

Dan did a great job of pulling together this list and then graciously sharing it with his readers and associates. It's always a treat to discover websites that are new and useful. I plan to use #24 on my next article: "Wordcounter – ranks the most frequently used words in any given body of text. Use this to see what words you overuse." No more excuses now for being redundant.

Isn't that a cool idea?

Join the National Lightning Bug Research Project

2009-08-12T16:24:00.003-05:00

Karen left a comment about my lightning bug blog. "Professionally, I was a chemistry teacher for many years, and continued to find the topic of light-releasing biochemical reactions interesting."

You might be interested to know that The National Children's Museum has teamed up with the Museum of Science in Boston on a project to get children involved in observing fireflies in their areas and submitting data to a national research program. Their website is www.readysetglow.org where you can sign up for the project.

In addition to a charming & appropriate name, the website is fun and creative for kids and parents. As an example, they have some cute but corny jokes about fireflies, such as "Q: Why was the firefly mother so unhappy? A: Because her children weren’t very bright." They make learning a great adventure.

Surprisingly, not a lot of research has been done on the subject of lightning bugs. With luck and lots of volunteers, that may change over the next few years. So if you live in an area of the country that has fireflies, consider getting your kids involved on this quirky project. And you can still save them in a glass jar for a little while. The bugs, that is, not the kids! lol - have fun.

Quick & Easy Scrapless Scrapping

2009-08-11T23:05:00.003-05:00

Patty asked "Is there some sort of shortcut for those of us who don't need another 10 hour a week hobbby?" and that is a valid concern. She is absolutely right that getting into scrapbooking can be quite time- and money-consuming. But there are other ideas that you might try as well.

One quick idea is to get a photo album that has sleeves for pictures. Just slip in a group of photos and intersperse them with a few mementoes (such as ticket stubs, flyers, postcards, etc.) and/or journaling, either hand written or printed on your computer. The journaling doesn't have to be elaborate, but jotting down a few details will provide reminders so everyone can enjoy the event again at a later date.

That gives you a relatively fast & easy way to preserve your memories without spending a great deal of time or effort. Please let me know if that seems feasible for you.

Scared to Start Scrapbooking?

2009-08-08T00:37:00.003-05:00

Patty commented on my previous blog asking two great questions: “Any suggestions for those of us who missed the scrapbooking craze? Where's the best place to get ideas for scrapbook page layouts?”

I was fortunate to have a friend who helped me start scrapping, but you can do it on your own as well. One of the best websites I have found with more extensive suggestions on getting started is http://scrapbooking.about.com/ which has well-organized information and examples.

Minimum requirements for scrapbooking:
1. Cardstock and Paper
a. Cardstock & paper come in various sizes, such as 12”x12”, 8”x8”, etc., and are acid-free. Standard scrapbooking albums usually come with a cardstock page inside page protectors.
b. Cardstock is heavy paper in solid colors that can be used to create greeting cards or to form the base of your scrapbook page.
c. Scrapbooking paper comes in solid colors and/or patterns to use for borders, frames & a splash of color.
d. Select a few sheets of cardstock and paper that appeal to you. You may want to coordinate them with the photos you plan to use.

2. Good Scissors
a. Good sharp scissors are important to cleanly cutting photos, paper and cardstock.
b. Eventually, you may want to get a paper trimmer that simplifies getting square cuts.
c. For consistent fancy edges, you may want scissors

3. Adhesive
a. A wide range of scrapbooking adhesives is available, but make sure your selection is also acid-free. Perhaps the easiest type to start with is the small double-sided glue dots. Later, you may want to buy an adhesive applicator that speeds up the process.
b. Check out the website above for details on the various types, along with the pros and cons of each.

4. Journaling Pen
a. Journaling pens should be acid-free like all scrapbooking supplies.
b. You can start with black pens in a fine tip for writing and a wider tip for page titles.
c. Journaling can describe the photos or event highlighted on the page. This is a great way to capture the essence of what you want the reader to know.

Making your first scrapbooking page:
1. Before using adhesive . . .
a. Roughly lay out all the parts of the page in a way that pleases you.
b. Decide how much journaling you want on the page and write it neatly on cardstock.

2. Select Photos
a. Trim any photos to the size and shape desired.
b. Decide which photos need a mat of color behind them.
c. Remember that “less is more” in scrapbooking. A few photos tell the story on a page.

3. Select Cardstock Background
a. Cardstock determines the overall size of your page.
b. You can cut cardstock to frame photos or journaling by cutting it slightly larger in a contrasting or coordinating color.

4. Select Paper Highlights
a. Colorful paper makes a nice border around the cardstock page or on the edges.
b. Consider coordinating the paper between facing pages in an album.

5. Lay Out Final Page
a. Arrange all the parts onto the page, rearranging as needed.
b. When pleased with the layout, use adhesive to affix each part to the page.

6. Add Embellishments
a. Embellishments can spice up your pages after you affix all other items.
b. Consider using sheets of small self-adhesive stickers, labels and shapes for added pizzazz.

Making a Simple Greeting Card:
1. Greeting cards are made in the same basic way as a scrapbooking page.
2. After you select the cardstock, crease it down the center and fold it in half.
3. Affix a favorite photo to the front (or inside) with a few words of your choice.
4. Write your desired greeting on more cardstock and fasten inside the card.
5. Add embellishments, such as ribbons or self-adhesive stickers.

Making cards and scrapbooking pages can be as simple or as complicated as you choose. These ideas will get you started, but there is an amazing amount of information available in bookstores, craft and scrapbooking shops, as well as on the internet. Many libraries, schools and communities offer events such as “Scrappers Night Out” where you can learn from other people. Check your local newspaper for offerings.

Have fun with scrapbooking and card making to your heart’s content. They make wonderful gifts for friends, family and yourself! And they are a great way to capture some of your family history.

Gifts for the Elderly

2009-08-06T11:28:00.004-05:00

A friend asked me today for gift ideas for her grandmother's 90th birthday. Most elderly people don't need any more "stuff" but they'd appreciate knowing how they made a difference in someone's life.

Here are some simple ideas to get you started on thinking "outside the box" when it comes to gift giving:
1. Write a little story with a few memories of things you have done together.
2. Create your own greeting card with your own thoughts & words, with a favorite photo.
3. If you have time, you can make a scrapbook page with photos & some journaling, then frame it for them to keep.
4. Make a favorite recipe from your childhood, such as strawberry pie or chocolate chip cookies.
5. When you take them the gift, spend some time reminiscing about family get-togethers and the events you remember.
6. If you can't spend time with them on their birthday, then please call them. Too often our loved ones sit and wait for us to stop by or call. Go ahead - make their day (and yours, too!) by talking with them often.

EASY FRESH STRAWBERRY PIE

1 Cup Water
3 Tablespoons Cornstarch
1 Cup Sugar
4 Tablespoon Strawberry Gelatin (or one package Sugar-Free)
2-3 drops Red Food Coloring
1 Pint Strawberries
1 baked Pie Shell
Cool Whip, if desired

Cook first 5 ingredients until thickened, then cool.

Wash & hull berries and fold into cooled Glaze.

Pour into cooled Pie Crust.

Serve with Cool Whip, if desired.

8 Servings

Fantastic Fruit Fly Trap - Try It!

2009-08-02T22:40:00.004-05:00

Rachel Balducci had a nice post recently that suggested how to deal with those annoying fruit flies at http://tinyurl.com/neqr3s. She said to use a jar with a cone-shaped paper (just like we use in our coffee maker!) to trap them inside a jar with a piece of very ripe fruit in the bottom.

Having nothing to lose and a kitchen counter overflowing with ripening fruit with, yes, you guessed it, lots of fruit flies, I decided to give it a shot. Try this the next time you have the little pests and let me know how it works:

1. Put an overripe piece of peach (or other aromatic fruit) in the bottom of a pint jar
2. Cut a tiny hole in the tip of a paper filter cone (or make one yourself)
3. Set the paper cone pointy-side down into the jar
4. Fasten the cone around the top of the jar with a rubber band

Wait a day or so, then check the jar regularly for tiny critters. When they appear, take the jar outside, remove the paper cone and release the bugs. If you still have any fruit flies buzzing around, set up the trap again.

I was quite pleasantly surprised at how nicely this idea worked. After a short time, there were no more nasty fruit flies, but if they reappear, I won't hesitate to use it again. Good luck hunting!

Frantic About Fruit Flies?

2009-07-21T14:19:00.002-05:00

Rachel Balducci had a nice post today about how to deal with those annoying fruit flies at http://tinyurl.com/neqr3s. Consider reading her whole post.

She has a great idea of using a jar with a cone-shaped paper (just like we use in our coffee maker!) to trap those annoying fruit flies inside a jar with a piece of very ripe fruit in the bottom. We are having such a wonderful abundance of yummy fruit this year, that the flies are woefully abundant as well. So I can hardly wait to try Rachel's suggestion - today!

I have had good luck with peaches to let them ripen inside a small brown paper sack (or bag, depending on your geographic region, as my daughter-in-law from California pointed out last week) folded closed at the top. At least that seems to keep the bugs out until they are just perfectly ripened.

We have been enjoying red raspberries, black raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, strawberries, peaches, apricots, plums and even yellow plums. In fact, my countertop looks like a rainbow exploded into colorful shards. We are so lucky to have such a variety available to us on a regular basis.

Whenever I look at all this luscious fruit, I can't help but recall my childhood when we canned and froze dozens of jars and freezer bags (yes, bags, not sacks) to store the abundance of summer to enjoy during the long winter months.

The next time you savor a delicious piece of fruit, think about what memories it evokes. Do you remember the first time you had an exotic fruit, for example? I'd love to hear what memories you recall.

Viva le fruit! lol

Bugged by Mosquitoes

2009-07-20T14:34:00.002-05:00

Arwen Mosher wrote a blog today that resonated for me about another common summertime pest. You can read it here at http://tinyurl.com/ncaeff.

I understand completely about how irritating it is to be among the favored food groups for mosquitoes. I have found two things that help, if you can apply them shortly after getting bit. 1) Cortizone-10 Ointment or another anti-itch remedy helps a lot and 2) MSG applied to a moistened bite also helps. Normally, I keep the Cortizone in my purse at all times & apply it right away.

Unfortunately, I dashed out for just a minute the other evening to get the mail & got sidetracked by a neighbor with a brand new baby. Of course I was thrilled to chat with them, but not to become a mosquito magnet. So I ended up with half a dozen welts that didn't respond to my usual treatment. Now I have ugly scabs up & down my legs that remind me of my childhood. As a tomboy, I always seemed to have scratches, scars & scabs decorating my arms & legs.

Those are the types of memories that linger long after we have grown up. I encourage people to capture all those memories by either writing or recording them. They become precious stories to pass on to your families. Please see my website for easy ways to get started.

Beth

Lightning Bugs or Fireflies?

2009-07-12T22:55:00.003-05:00

We happen to have an amazing abundance of lightning bugs in Illinois this year. Or maybe you refer to them as fireflies. Something I didn't realize is that they don't live in every section of the country.

Our son and daughter-in-law are visiting from the San Fransisco Bay area in California. When we all returned from dinner last night, they were both thrilled to see hundreds and hundreds of the little creatures flying around. That's when I found out they don't have lightning bugs in California. What a shame! I have always enjoyed seeing them light up the yard or glitter over the corn and soybean fields in the country.

As we all reminisced about catching fireflies when we were young, I thought about all the countless times I had chased & caught the sparkling bugs to try to save in a glass jar. Even though we punched holes in the lid & added in some grass & twigs, unfortunately, lightning bugs cannot be saved in a bottle.

So whether it was with all my brothers and sisters when I was a kid, with my own son or grandchildren, or more recently with our grown kids, watching and catching lightning bugs is one of the simplest and most memorable experiences of summer.

If you have lightning bugs in your area, take time this summer to share the sheer joy of them with someone special. Tell your kids or grandkids stories about them when you were a kid or ask your favorite elder about their experiences. Even better, capture those fabulous stories so you can experience them again in the cold of winter.

How to Start Your Own Family Stories

2009-07-01T14:46:00.003-05:00

When you start working on your own family stories, I do strongly recommend getting a digital recorder, which is small, unobtrusive & fairly inexpensive. I use a Sony ICD-P520, which is less than $50 on Amazon.com. Another nice feature is that you can use the USB to load it to your computer and create CDs. Once you have a recording, you can also transcribe it into a Word document.

If you want to capture stories and folklore from the elderly, I urge you to start right away. You never know when they (or perhaps just their minds) may be suddenly taken away. Whenever you get a group of people together, encourage them to talk about their experiences. If possible, record them talking, but if not, then take notes to expand later.

Keep a writing journal to remind yourself of stories you want them to talk about, or events you recall yourself. Use photos & memorabilia to help them reminisce. That often has a starburst effect - one memory leads to three others and each of them to several more. It is a wonderful way to keep expanding their legacy.

Here are some of my favorite websites to help you get started. And of course, my book has some excellent ideas on how to capture your family stories. ;-)

Website Resources for Family Historians:

About.com Genealogy website has a list of 50 questions to help on interviews.
www.genealogy.about.com/cs/oralhistory/a/interview.htm

Ancestry.com. This website says, “Feel free to print and distribute” a Script for Video or Audio Interviews with Family Members. www.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~lineage/famhist.htm

Author’s website, where you can sign up for a free monthly newsletter (via email) with tips on writing family history.
www.bethlamie.com

Association of Personal Historians (APH), which offers an anthology of personal stories.
www.personalhistorians.org/

CookbookPeople.com. Software & Blog to create and print a family cookbook at home.
www.cookbookpeople.com

Cute PDF.com. Download free software so you can share a document as a PDF file without anyone else modifying it. You use it like another printer, then provide the name and location for the file to save.
www.cutePDF.com

Cyndi’s List.com. More than 200,000 website links to help with genealogy and family history.
www.cyndislist.com/

Dr. Wicked.com. This simple-to-use website can help when you want to concentrate on a writing exercise. www.lab.drwicked.com/writeordie.html

Grandparents TLC.com. This site offers “Technology to Help Loving Grandparents Connect with Grandchildren!”
www.grandparentstlc.com/blog/

Smithsonian Institute. This booklet in PDF format explains how to get started with interviews, sample questions and additional resources.
www.Folklife.SI.edu/Resources/pdf/InterviewingGuide.pdf

Story of My Life.com. Free private website to easily gather all your family stories from friends and family and invite participation from around the world.
www.storyofmylife.com

Change and Eternal Love

2009-06-26T14:35:00.005-05:00

My In-laws are amazing people. They are both 90 years old and she is older by four days, so he has always teased her about being an "older woman." They have been married for 71 years this summer and lived in the same house for some 65 years until they moved into a lovely senior housing facility about 6 months ago.

Just yesterday, they made another momentous change in their lives. Mom had to be placed in an Alzheimer's unit because she needs specialized care. I'm sure Dad dreaded making the decision to be separated from his soul-mate, but fortunately, the units are on the same property so he can go see her every day.

In this world of instant gratification and jumping from one relationship to another, it is wonderful to see a love that has endured for almost a century. Even as their minds and bodies have slowly but surely started to disappoint them, there has never been any doubt that they are still in love.

They are models for married life. It would be lovely if we could learn the secret of their success.